The Halabalou

My Girl

2011-10-27T21:34:00.001-07:00

Today my baby girl is 1. Here are a few misconceptions I had about having a girl before she came:

Girls aren’t as squirmy.

Girls don’t get as dirty.

Girls are quieter.

Girls aren’t capable of having mood swings till they’re 12.

Girls don’t bite.

Things that I was absolutely right on about:

That I would love this little girl with all my heart. With a deep pinching kind of love that eventually consumes my whole heart with wrenching, sweet emotion.

Emily, you remind me what it’s like to be a little girl myself. Back when hugging my Heart to Heart Bear was considered a favorite pastime, talking walks down a country road to visit my best friend Joloene was the most important thing on my to-do list, and imagination trumped all. These memories remind me to have patience with all my children, whose current priorities should be something of the same. Carefree and untroubled.

As always, for me, music captures so perfectly how I feel about you and me. And every night with a whisper I sing these words in your ear as I rock you to sleep. Happy Birthday my darling.

(currently playing on playlist)

“I Never Saw Blue Like That Before” by Sawn Colvin.

Today I took a walk up the street

And picked a flower and climbed the hill

Above the lake

And secret thoughts were said aloud

We watched the faces in the clouds

Until the clouds had blown away

And were we ever somewhere else

You know, it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

I can't believe a month ago

I was alone, I didn't know you

I hadn't seen or heard you're name

And even now, I'm so amazed

It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

And somethings are the way they are

And words just can't explain

Cause I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

And it feels like now,

And it feels always,

And it feels like coming home

I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

Stupid Stupid Stupid!

2011-10-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

**WARNEING: Spoiler alert for those hoping to read The Hunger Games. Although I would save myself the letdown and do something more constructive with your time...like watch paint dry.

That may seem like a juvenile title but as far as bad language goes, in my house I may as well have said a swear word. And it’s directed at you Suzanne Collins. You and your stupid trilogy of mind-bending books, The Hunger Games.

Alright, lets not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? And give credit where credit is due? You rocked in the middle of the story! I will be the first to admit that although it took me a while to warm up to your storyline of children being forced to kill each other in the beginning, by the middle, I was HOOKED! Loved it. Loved the dynamics of the games, personalities of all the characters, loved the whole love triangle thing you had going on with Peeta, Gale and Katniss. You described everything so perfectly!

But what I want to know is, what happened at the end? It was like the last hundred pages you all the sudden realized that you had a deadline to meet and hastened to tell us a mediocre and depressing end. It was literally painful and disappointing to read. Like seeing a gifted young scientist bring the overused model of the planets in orbit to the National Science Fair. What happened??

You spent all that time building us up for two main things…the capture of the capital and for Katniss to decide between Gale and Peeta. Then you mention the overthrow of the Capital almost like an after thought, and made Katniss go insane (literally) and choose Peeta basically by default! Not to meantion the fact that Gale, her best friend in the whole wide world, who always has her back, never comes back to see her? But deserts her for some plush job with the government, whom he hates? I wanted her to choose Peeta, but not like that! Horrible horrible horrible!

I finished reading the final book while on the bike at the gym and was so upset on my drive back home that I had to make up an alternate ending and explain the complicated dynamics to my 11 month old daughter, who didn’t understand a word, but knows I’m brilliant. Never mind I had to keep working the words “patty cake” in there so she would clap.

I never thought I’d say this after finishing this series but Suzanne Collins, you disappoint me. I appreciate your struggle to be an innovative author and think outside the box to continually surprise your readers, but your ending does not match the personalities you’ve painted for your characters. Not by a long shot. Besides the fact that it’s depressing! How often do people actually end up with everything they’ve wanted in life? We are continually thwarted by reality in our efforts for a happily ever after, the least you can do is give it to us in fiction! Badly done Suzanne Collins. I think you have great potential to be a wonderful author but this one was badly done.

You have my full support and promise to purchase should you decide to rewrite the last book.

Real Life On S.W.A.T.

2011-10-08T10:41:00.001-07:00

When Matt came home from work one day and told me he wanted to join the S.W.A.T. team, my honest reaction was “Hot!” I thought it would be so cool to be married to someone so badass (course, he didn’t need the S.W.A.T. team for that).

After weeks of scenario training and long days at the shooting range, the rose still never lost it’s bloom. The idea just got more attractive if anything.

…Then last night he didn’t come home after work. I waited up for a while and then finally went to bed thinking he was just working a long case. Finally at about 3:45am I got a text from my friend letting me know that her husband was called out for S.W.A.T. earlier that morning and that’s where my husband was too. I was relieved to know that he was ok and then immediately fearful. I didn’t know the circumstances he was called out for. I didn’t know how it was going or when he would be home. Suddenly this S.W.A.T. thing wasn’t so cool anymore.

So, I’ve been up since 4 am, wide awake trying to keep my mind from going to the dark side. It’s 9:17am now and I’ve learned little about the case. Only that it was a hold up at a gas station. There was a hostage that has since been let go. Only one solitary man with a gun locked inside a building is what stands between me and snuggling with my honey on a cold rainy Saturday morning.

When I would get mad as a teenager I used to tell my mom “It’s my life! My choices don’t effect anyone else but me!” So naïve. I sit with my three kids at home now wondering if this man realizes how many life’s he is effecting with these choices.

The suspense is almost more than I can take. I can only presume that no news is good news. I’m trying to distract myself but thoughts of Matt are never far from my mind. The driveway doesn’t go more than 5 minutes without being checked for a glimpse of his truck.

And we wait.

** Update: 11:31 am. Still no call. Matt has been up for 27 hours now and I worry about him staying awake and alert. I feel more confident as the hours pass though for some reason. Well, I know the reason. Heavenly Father is helping me feel his calming influence. I know that Matt is a careful methodical man who knows what he is doing and how to handle himself. I'm confident everything will turn out fine. ....At least for the good guys.

Follow the story at www.helenair.com

**Update: 12:24pm Finally! A call from Matt. It was the first he could get through. Everyone is ok and the stand-off is over. They had to go in and get the guy so I'm sure there will be a fun story posted by Matt on our family blog soon about how it was from his point of view.

See what I mean? Not so great. Maybe when he tells me the story of how it all went down and I forget how worried I was, I'll think S.W.A.T is cool again. ....I'm not holding my breath.

Let Conference Begin!!

2011-09-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

No matter who you are or what religion you belong to, if you are a woman, Elder Uchtdorf's talk at the end of this broadcast is for you. It felt like a warm blanket draped over my heart to ease my everyday worries and concerns.

If you like what you've heard, please tune in with the rest of us this saturday and sunday for a world wide General Conference at www.lds.org.

Neighborhood Baseball

2011-09-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted a lot lately. I THINK about it all the time but, I'm so busy! I will try and be better though. First and foremost, I left you last while training for Spokane to Sandpoint. It was a great success! We all met our personal times and I am so proud of our 12 man team for running 185 miles, continuous! To see pictures, go to my family bog: www.postums.blogspot.com. It's private but if you are a friend of the family and haven't received an invite yet, leave me your email in the comments and I can send you one.

Anyway, I mainly just wanted to post about last night. We had a bunch of friends over to play an informal game of softball and it was so much fun! We all have about a zillion kids each, so when we get together it's bound to be epic.

There really is nothing to compare to a good game of ball with your neighbors. I have fond memories of getting together on cool summer nights with all the Dehesa clan to play a game or two with wooden bats and sweatshirts for bases.

As we took the short walk from the ball field back to the house for some root beer floats (which if I were truly sticking to tradition, I would have made the root beer from scratch) I remember walking arm in arm with my Matt, the kids running excitedly ahead, a cool breeze to blow our hair back carrying with it a hint of fall. I felt so happy and content. I will really miss this farm house and all it's country charm.

Looking Back

2011-06-30T22:45:00.001-07:00

The weather is getting hotter by the day here and for some unknown reason my box labeled “Amie’s Summer Clothes” has vanished into thin air. It probably fell off the truck somewhere between here and the old house where some bum picked it up. I can just see it now as he holds up my hot pink tankini to his chest “Hey Frank! You think this would look good on me?”

Anyway, wherever it is, it isn’t here. I did however come across my high school/ college bin and ended up spending much longer than I had expected sifting through its contents. Normally I close the lid the second I realize which box it is cause I know I’ll just get sucked in like the Bermuda Triangle. But my kids were in bed and my husband was off tinkering around with his motorcycle at his buddy’s so, I pulled up a 5 gallon bucket of food storage flour and had a nice walk down memory lane.

I was pleased to find as I flipped through old journals that I’d documented all the important things like the moment in time when I suddenly found out that the boy I’d loved since kindergarten was a horrific kisser. I remember it so clearly, home from college one summer, standing in the back of a dark movie theater while the credits rolled. All my little girl fantasies of a country house with a white picket fence and 10 kids were abruptly and vigorously drowned away by an unordinary amount of saliva that seemed to slosh from his mouth. It was definitely a “don’t call me, I’ll….never call you, ever” kind of ending.

My 10 year high school reunion was this last summer. I didn’t go. They’re all just pissing contests anyway and I think I had decided long ago that if I wasn’t being flown to the front doors of the school by private chopper in a sleek business suit and nervous minions fussing frantically about me then I wouldn’t go. Somehow pulling up in a minivan with 2 purses and a diaper bag slung over my shoulder, spit-up down one sleeve, just didn’t compare. Oh but I’d have the minions all right, making ME nervous, running around screaming profanities and uncouth truths.

“Mommy that lady’s FAT!”

“Oh Amie! Your children are… adorable.”

I feel bad about it all for a moment, and then I look back on all these pictures of my now husband and think, who cares what my unruly children are doing, look at my husband!! If high school reunions are about keeping up with the Joneses, then my Mr. Jones totally kicks your Mr. Jones butt!

The weirdest part is feeling like all these memories happened so long ago. So much has happened since then. I’m definitely not the same person that I was. I have different dreams for myself, different perspectives for sure. I read back in my journals of my current 16 year old travesties and wonder why I thought it was “soooo unfair that my mom wouldn’t let me go to that party!” It ALL seems so trivial to me now.

Then I wonder, when I’m 50 and I’m reading back in my journals from today, will I think my worries are all so trivial now too? Will I laugh when I read about $3.75 gas prices and stresses of having small children? Of course I will! Cause gas is gonna be like 6 bucks a gallon by then and my babies will all be having their own babies (maybe)!

It kind of all helps put it into perspective. So I want you to think about whats happening in your life right now. Things that just seem SO hard and take up SO much of your time. What are they? And how do you think you’ll see it 20 years from now? I’d love it if you feel comfortable sharing. I’m curious to hear.

In Training

2011-06-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

Operation Smile 5k, completed! Next....

THIS.

I was invited to participate in this AWESOME race by some of my 3rd and 4th Ward girlfriends. I CANNOT wait! I'm taking any and all tips for endurance running and costume ideas since I will be competing in the costume portion of the race.

Our team is comprised of all young moms so our team name is "Run Like A Mother." Not as cool as my idea of "Trophy Wives," but still funny. I kinda want a costume that has to do with our name, even though the two don't have to correlate. I thought it would be funny if I got a bunch of baby dolls and strapped them all over myself while running (quintessential mom) but that would be too heavy to run a 5k in. I need something light weight and fantastic!

Any ideas?

Utah 5k

2011-03-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

The fam and I are taking a trip down to Utah at the end of this month so I did a little research online and found a nice looking 5k run happening Saturday March 26th on a trail in Provo Canyon. Looks beautiful and fun! Nothing like running outside in the brisk cool spring air!

If you live in the area and want to join registration is inexpensive ($15) and supports a good cause. The Operation Smile 5k helps fund a program to perform surgeries on children born with cleft lips. To learn more click HERE.

Emily and I hope to see you on the trail!

You HAVE to see this!

2011-03-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

This is what we do to entertain ourselves on a saturday night when dad is working. Sooo funny!

best chip clip song from azauss on Vimeo.

Credit Cards

2011-02-25T18:12:00.000-08:00

Every year we get a tax return, and every year the majority of it is spent on one thing...credit card debt. January resolutions always inspire us to start all over again. Re-write the budget and stick to it, gosh darn it! Every year we keep the credit cards with the excuse that we NEED them in case of emergencies. Yet, in the past 5 years that we've had them....they have NEVER been used for emergencies. Never. They always end up being used for "wants." Wants that we couldn't afford but just had to have.

Well... NO MORE! We are breaking our ties with you, you unnecessary evil! Goodbye credit cards. I'm sure I'll miss you when I've spent all my money for the month and walk past those adorable pumps in Ross. But I will console myself with the idea that future tax returns will be mine and not yours. Had to post this pic with Emily in the background. She looks more upset than I do. Don't worry Emily, I'm taking drastic measures so you have money for college and a pretty white dress someday. Can't complain though really because there was enough leftover for me to buy something that I've wanted for years. Behold....the kitchenaid:

What are your plans for your tax return?

Boob-isms

2010-11-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

Having children that are older this time around is pretty interesting when it comes to breast-feeding. Jake was too little when Sam was born to care. Now, they are all sorts of intruiged by this crazy concept.

There's no such thing as privacy in my house so the whole blanket for modesty thing didn't last very long. They were always trying to sneak peeks like I was hiding Christmas presents under there or something. Course then after they found out EXACTLY how Emily ate, I was (and still am) peppered with questions on the subject. Like, "Why doesn't she just drink the milk out of the fridge like we do?" "She can go a whole year on just breast-milk? How? Doesn't she get hungry?"

Sam just the other day during breakfast, voiced his concern that I didn't drink enough milk. Ya know, so that I would have enough in my body to feed the baby? This was before I explained to him that my body works like a cow converting food to milk. His face, after that bombshell of information sank in, was priceless. Like I was magic! Now when he comes to sit by me while feeding Emily he quietly muses to himself what she's eating. Roast and potatoes? Cereal?

Also, tonight Jake out of the blue asked me if my breast milk comes in different flavors..... Chocolate? Strawberry? Like they see in the stores.

I have one breast that is slightly larger than the other. When it's full of milk and the other one isn't, the size difference is pretty drastic. It's been affectionately nicknamed "The Big Gulp."

This is all so new and weird for me having my kids ask such funny questions. I am the youngest of my family so I never watched my mom take care of another baby. It's hard for me to gauge how much is too much information to give siblings. I just hope they don't end up freaked out about boobs cause they know what they are used for when a baby comes. I guess a good rule of thumb in the end would be don't tell them anything I don't want anyone else to know. Cause if kids are good at one thing, it's hangn' all your dirty breast-milk stained laundry out to dry!

Gweneth Can SING!!

2010-11-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

First Letter To Emily

2010-11-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

Emily,

Tonight you sat with me in the kitchen in your swing while I made Alfredo for the boys.

You were not happy about the swing.

I put on some music and scooped you up.

The snow fell outside,

the noodles boiled over.

Snuggly wool socks on a hardwood floor,

I whispered in your ear how much I love you and we danced.

.....It was magical.

I hope we do this often as you grow older.

All my love,

Mom

PS- The song was Will.i.am's "What I am"- courtesy of Aunt Jamie's blog.

ugh!

2010-09-29T15:06:00.001-07:00

30 more days. Thats all that stands between me and being able to see my toes again. Just 30 more days!!! I was so proud of myself just last week for really being cool with how pregnant I was and not wanting to rush things to get the baby out. But now....I'm just about ready to reach in there and grab her myself! I'm so ready to be DOOONNEE!

Here are the top 10 things (not in order of importance) that I day dream about constantly:

1. Being able to hold her, of course.

2. Being able to walk without waddling.

3. Being under 150 lbs again.

4. Being able to run a mile! aaawww, how I long to just hop on a treadmill and RUN!

5. Waking up without back pain or leg cramps.

6. Being able to roughhouse with my boys again.

7. The first snowfall.

8. Having my family here for the baby blessing and the holidays.

9. SLEEP! Sleeping again for 8 consecutive, uninterrupted hours (although I know I've got a looong time before that one comes).

10. Dressing my baby up in all her new cute outfits and doing her hair. ...I wonder if she'll have hair.

Saltwater Taffy

2010-08-29T21:38:00.003-07:00

Today was just one of those days. One of those days where I woke up grumpy from lack of consistent sleep. One of those days where I just felt uncomfortable in my pregnant skin. One of those days where friends came over and my kids acted TOTALLY insane thus encouraging everyone to use condoms or practice strict abstinence. Just one of those days.

Of course when these days come, which they do to all, it seems inevitably to infect everyone around you, which only makes the situation worse. So, by 5pm not only was I having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day….so was the rest of my family. My house was a mess, my kids were unruly, and my husband was grumpy because I was grumpy. I decided to go for a walk. It was raining and cold but I knew I just had to get out and get some space to gain some perspective on the situation.

I walked up the sidewalk and around the block which lead me to the front door of an elderly woman in my church who has an extreme case of scoliosis. I often stop in to see her when I have things to drop off or apples to pick form her abundant trees but today, I had nothing so, I walked on.

Something inside me though told me to turn back. I’ve ignored these kinds of promptings before and it never ends well when I do that. Course when I get these feelings I immediately jump to negative conclusions like “what if I’m being prompted to go in there because she’s fallen and she can’t get up?” or “what if she’s feeling blue today and really needs someone to talk to?“ or “what if she’s being held hostage?!” …I have an active imagination. Maybe that’s good cause it made me go back and give a little knock at the front door.

Her great granddaughter answered and I immediately saw that all of my ideas where wrong, of course. But I came in anyway admitting blatantly that I had no good reason for being there. She kindly put her television show I’d interrupted on pause and about 2 minutes into our easy conversation I realized that I was prompted to stop there not for her but, for me. Her house was warm and cozy with a fire crackling peacefully. Her smile was soft and sincere. And she fed me saltwater taffy while we just enjoyed each others company.

By the time I left 10 minutes later I was a totally different person. I thought as I walked home through the rain how grateful I was for the atmosphere Sis Posey kept about her and in her home. I thought with renewed energy about how my house was crazy right now but that it would eventually become more silent than I want it and sooner than I want it to.

I went home and took the boys and the dogs for another walk in the rain with me. Then we had a snack and read a story out of the Friend magazine. We talked for several minutes about prayer and they actually sat and listened to me! I brushed their teeth, sang them a song and put them to bed. And now, my house is silent.

I’m feeling keenly aware that the evening could have ended a lot differently. Thank goodness for a little rain, a warm fire, a kind smile and saltwater taffy.

Bragging Rights

2010-08-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

My hubs is always teasing me about what a penny pincher I am. It can be bad sometimes, I'll admit. I'm like the lady you see bargaining down the poor Tijuana kids selling Chicklets Gum. ....alright, so you've never seen that unless you've been shopping in Mexico with me.

I actually remember on a summer trip once to Mexico, with some collage friends, bargaining with a dirty middle-aged man about a swimsuit. I distinctly remember, after haggling for a good 20 minutes, saying "Common! You're cutting off my right arm here!" He looked at me with the most disgusted, insulted face like I'd mocked his one armed crippled child. I felt bad and immediately left the shop. That may have been taking it a little too far considering we were only discussing a difference of $10 or so.

I can't help it though! Garage sales especially. Once you've found your very first awesome garage sale deal, it's addicting. You never want to pay full price for anything ever again. Besides, certain baby equipment is essential and EXPENSIVE! .....Maybe this is why my friends want to throw a shower for me, cause they are afraid my baby will end up sleeping on used, soiled garage sale sheets. :) I normally only go for equipment though ...and from wholesome looking non-crackheads.

You should see some of the great things I've scored so far this season! It's turning out to be the ONLY good thing I've noticed about being pregnant in the summer.

Take for instance these 4 items:

Simple Wooden Snap Assemble Crib

Bought New: $115

I paid: $10

(Comforter and bumper homemade which also saved a few extra $$....and don't worry, sheets bought new from Target.)

Pink Baby Bouncer with Vibrating Seat

Bought New: $19.99

I paid: $7

Fisher Price Take Along Swing

Bought New: $70

I Paid: $10

Graco Infant Car Seat

Bought New: $89.99

I Paid: $1 ...ONE DOLLAR!

That car seat was definitely one of the best deals I've found. Granted it's the wrong color but it had zero stains and came with a base. If it really ends up bothering me that it's blue I'll just get a new cover. The lady just didn't want to put it back in storage and I was happy to help her out. :)

New is definitely best but when you're a growing family on a budget, used is sometimes your only option. If you start early though and bide your time you can find almost as good as new items. I love hearing about steals that other people have gotten so why don't you share one of you best!

Infuriated

2010-08-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm sitting on my couch watching the tube. Nothing good is on so I do what everyone does…keep watching. I flip to America’s Got Talent where there seemed to be an abnormal influx of old people on the show. I mean like 75 yrs and up. Genuine time-fighters that all the sudden saw Susan Boyle, went to their closet, dusted off the old belly-dancing outfit and decided it was time to follow their life long dream. You think I’m kidding but believe me people…there are just some things that can’t be unseen.

It really wasn’t too bad at first, until a woman by the name of Mary Ellen came on the stage. Let me just start off by saying that there could be a 10 year old boy hiding under all that make-up and hair and we would not be the wiser. Ascetics and personal hygiene aside though, her actual “talent”….. I don’t want to be mean here but …I’d rather dig my own eardrums out with a spoon than EVER listen to her again. You think I’m being harsh but just you wait…..

I’m just literally dumfounded as to exactly when during that ….thing……that those idiotic judges sat back and said “yeah, ya know, I think this woman should represent the kind of talent that America has.” Makes me actually NOT proud to be an American. Not really because the judges cut her waaaaay too much slack but because Americans actually voted for her to stay!!! She made it to the third round. THE THIRD ROUND!!! And who knows how much longer if America, and her pacemaker, allows it!

I shut off the TV in a huff and came straight to my computer to rally the troops! This madness must stop! I’m staging a march on their set in Hollywood tonight where we will put a stop to this misrepresentation of our nation! …This is the part where I remember I can’t go cause I’m broke…and super prego. In fact I’m probably only feeling so enraged about this because of some crazy pregnancy hormone. Blame it on the belly.

But really, for all our sakes America, before we go digging for that long lost twirling baton or old pair of tap shoes, lets just take a moment to realize that maybe some dreams aren’t meant to come true. ….aaaaand should be buried deep underground, close to the earth’s core, never to be discovered...ever.

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

2010-08-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

You know I always love to post the latest and greatest from LDS.org. Lately when I do though only half the video is visible, so click this link instead:

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

Never Again

2010-07-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Matt and I spent the past week and a good chunk of change on a trip to California. I distinctly remember thinking to myself as I bought the tickets a few weeks prior “oh, I am so spoiled! Getting to go to Vegas and Disneyland and the beaches of San Diego!” But oh boy, did I get that backwards! By the time I got back I was ready to kiss the cow dunged Montana ground!

We started out by landing in Vegas where it was 115 degrees. It felt exactly like walking into an oven. Now, imagine that….and then imagine that almost 7 months pregers. Sooooo ....not.... enjoyable. Every second spent in between air-conditioned buildings was absolute HELL. Literally! If I had to imagine what temperature hell would be, it would be 115 Vegas heat. I don’t know how people work/live there. I guess most of the people might as well get used to it since that whole place is gonna burn come Jesus.

Anyway, once we got in the rental car and got outta there the trip got better. We spent the night in LA gearing up for a full day of Disneyland. Oh and now would be a good time to mention that, as you know, we’ve been endeavoring to sell our house to get into a better neighborhood. HA! Driving down the NICE part of LA made my place look like suburbia heaven! Bars on all the windows, children running amuck taking candy from gagsters parked on porches getting high and yelling in Spanish. Matt kept on almost losing it driving around down there and I had to keep reminding him to stop eye-balling the black people. I try not to be racist but I was literally afraid of getting shot for no good reason.

At one point I told Matt I had to pee and he pulled into a liquor store parking lot that had bars encasing the whole store except the entrance where there was a nice group of thugs hanging out. I looked over and him with a face that said “really?” In his defense, he realized it wasn’t a good idea about the same time I opened my mouth to question his sanity.

Moving on. I’ll skip over Disneyland saying only that it really wasn’t as magical as I remember…or as big. It was hot, long and CROWED. I think the kids had a great time which is what we were aiming for but I’ve never had to see my husband exercise so much self control. He HATES crowds. Great thing we decided to go during peak season when everyone and their Mexican mama would be there!

I will say that things really did get a lot better once we got to San Diego. I really enjoyed being able to spend so much time with family that I hadn’t seen in so long. It honestly made the whole trip worth it. The only thing I love more than hanging with the Zauss/Madsen side is watching my husband and kids enjoying their company just as much as I do. We also 100% loved the beaches. Especially the tide pools over at La Jolla.

Unfortunately we had to leave things on a sour note by spending our last night in Vegas. Bla. Back to Hades in the ghetto Excalibur hotel that we thought would be fun but ended up smelling like cigarettes wherever you went and whose pool closes at 7pm. What kind of hotel closes it’s pool at 7pm???? We ended up drowning our sorrows eating waaaaay too much at the Caesar’s Palace Buffet, the most delicious and most expensive buffet I’ve EVER had. Every glutinous bite was worth it though.

Sooooo, other than those little tid bits and the fact that the water from the tap everywhere we went tasted like it’d been poured though Juan’s dirty field-worked sock first, that was our trip in a nutshell!

I came back more grateful than I’d ever been to live next to the hud in Helena, Mt. At least when I drive down the road I have 100 times more likelihood of seeing this:

Instead of this:

Course, you know that 10 years down the road, I'm going to forget all this and take the exact same trip NOT pregnant and completely enjoy myself.

ps- I know I just cracked a whole bunch on Mexicans just now but I must add that I had the best rolled tacos while I was down there. I'd almost drive through LA again to get more....almost.

What a Great Reminder

2010-07-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

After finally consenting that the idea of traveling all the way from montana to california by car was not a good one while 7 months pregnant, I was so sad last night. Sad that I would miss out on the family reunion, sad to miss the beach, sad that my kids would not experience Disneyland ("yet" I said). But I must say that not for one minute did I feel resentful for the reason why. I love this little girl and these other things can wait. I'd rather secure her health and safety first. Disneyland will still be there tomorrow.

I felt even better this morning as I thought about this and saw this new Mormon Message about mothers. Totally cried.

Good Crack

2010-06-24T17:39:00.000-07:00

Summer is in full swing, finally, and it only took us one full day in the 80s (after complaining for 3 weeks about the rain) for us to start complaining that it is sooooo hot. I have never been pregnant in the summertime and let me tell you, Matt’s not coming anywhere near me with massage oils and Barry White between the months of November to June ever again! Just kidding, he’s not that cheesy…no massage oils.

We decided recently to put our house on the market, which only adds to my insanity. Matt promised it wouldn’t be that bad (as I look at him with that “you don’t know what your talking about” face). But, I agreed to it after a good round of Garth Brooks who sings incessantly of not taking the easy road. ….That and statutory rape (“That Summer”). Anyway, our awesome realtor also is super flexible and promised to let us out of the whole shebang the moment I start to feel like I can’t take it, or the baby is too close to coming.

Speaking of baby, my poor little feet aren’t used to carrying around so much weight in this blistering heat. My toes look like little sausages. It hasn’t spread to my ankles yet, thankfully. Every night after dinner though I’m just done done done with the day. I turn on the sprinkler for the kids in the backyard and watch them from my bedroom window with the fan on, feet propped up, and ice on top and bottom. Bliss.

It all makes for a very short-tempered mama though. Today I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from telling some fat stranger lady not to lean over my fence to pet my dogs. It really bothers me when people I don’t know try and get friendly with my security system. Course, it doesn’t help that my dogs go from rabid barking to tail wagging poodles in a slit second. Traitors. My tongue still hurts.

There are highlights though like popsicles, cold showers and this picture I snapped of Jake getting out of the back of the bike buggy. Nothing like a little bit of good crack to make you smile.

(Lets not even begin to discuss how the "grass is greener on the other side" phrase rings painfully true in this particular shot. Two dogs make it impossible to have anything nice.)

Only moments before, both boys where squeezed into that tiny space of which I’ve only been able to fit about 3 gallons of milk. Sammy looks like he's been hot boxn' the back of that buggy.

Make Yogurt in a Crockpot!

2010-06-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

Not kidding people! I got this idea from my friend Adele's website. Thanks Adele, your cooking site continutes to inspire! However, when I went to find the link again, I couldn't but HERE is one similar, so click on that for the actual instructions. It's a great idea and it tastes oh so good!

Here are some of the pics from my own process to prove that it actually worked!

You can actually eat it the way it come out of the crockpot but it's a bit soupy. Not bad, just a little. But I like my yogurt really thick (like the thick style yoplait) so I used Adelle's suggestion of disposable coffee strainers. They only had small ones available so I had to do about 8 of these cups simultaneously. I used simple paperclips to keep it suspended.

About 5 hours later....

Because I like it so thick, the cost in comparison to store bought was about the same: about 36 ounces for $3. Except for the fact that the homemade kind was smoother and creamier. Better quality all around. But if you like it a little thinner then you could really save some money.

This morning I enjoyed it with fresh strawberries, bananas and a little bit of maple syrup (which gives it that great maple flavor of brown sugar without the graininess). I was totally amazed. The average person can make yogurt!

From the Trenches

2010-05-31T19:53:00.002-07:00

A few years ago I started these "memory books" for each of my kids. It's basically just stories about them that I want to have written down so they can look back on them later. On this Memorial Day, I've chosen one out of Jake's memory book to share with you.

"Jake, when you were about 2 ½ you and I took Papa (your dad) to the airport to say goodbye before he left on his first deployment over seas with the military. It was Sunday, September 2^nd, 2005. Sammy was born at the time, but we left him with Grandma Stott cause we wanted to spend special time with just you. Your father asked the lady at the check-in counter if we could come back to the gate with him so that you could see the airplanes and be there to send him off. Back then, you were really into airplanes. You use to LOVE to have Dad pick you up and swing you around in the air with your arms out like YOU were an airplane! Anyway, when we got up to the gate, you went straight over to the big glass windows that overlooked the airfield and there was a huge airliner that was right by the window who had just finished unloading some passengers. You stood there and just look and looked at that plane and were so enthralled!

Eventually it pulled away and a new plane pulled up. It looked just like the first plane but this time, by some miracle, the pilot saw you in the window and started to wave to you! We tried to get you to see him but you were so little and the pilot’s windows were so small and tinted that it was hard for you to see what we were talking about. The pilot, seeing our frustration, then opened up his window, stuck his head and arm out so you could see him plainly and gave you a HUGE wave. You stood there on that airport seat and waved back with the biggest smile on you face! You thought it was the coolest thing ever!

That was a special day to me because it was pretty tough having to say goodbye to your dad. He was leaving for so long and I knew how much you and I were going to miss him. It was just nice to have someone we didn’t even know take time out of his day to do something special for my little boy, especially during such a hard time. That pilot never knew what we were facing that day, but I’m sure the Spirit prompted him to do a little something extra like wave to a little boy in the terminals, not ever knowing the impact it would have on our family. We needed something to cheer us up, and he did that for us. Make sure you always take the time to listen to the Sprit when it tells you to do something. You never know how even the smallest thing might help someone else in need."

Trials of Faith

2010-05-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

I had a great time in Gospel Doctrine today (a class offered to adults during the second hour of church). We have a great new teacher, who happens to be one of my greatest friends. She does a wonderful job guiding our discussions. I just love coming to her class.

Anyway, just wanted to share a thought or two I gained from attending today. We were studying the book of Joshua in the Old Testament. Most people will already know this story, but to give some background…. Joshua is basically the next prophet to follow after the great and mighty Moses (almost everyone knows the story of Moses and the wonderful miracles he performed). Needless to say, Joshua was stepping into some pretty big shoes but, whom the Lord calls he qualifies and it was no different for Joshua.

In this one specific part of the story that caught my attention, Joshua tells the Israelites that they have to cross the river Jordan. A very substantial river…..like the kind I’d imagine you’d look at and say “Yeeeah, um Josh, we’re gonna need a boat or something here.”

But as the story goes in verses 15 and 16 of chapter 3 (King James version) it says

“And as they that bare the ark were come unto Jordan, and the feet of the priests that bare the ark were dipped in the brim of the water, (for Jordan overfloweth all his banks all the time of harvest,)

That the waters which came down from above stood and rose up upon an heap very far from the city Adam, that is beside Zaretan: and those that came down toward the sea of the plain, even the salt sea, failed, and were cut off: and the people passed over right against Jericho.” On dry ground I might add.

….Ummm, sound familiar? Maybe something about a red sea parting? And dry ground? To me, this was basically a demonstration of the Lord that the mantle had been passed. Joshua was now the prophet, directly connected to God and doing His work. No one, not even the rushing waters of Jordan were gonna stop him now!

But the special part in this story that I want to point out is that the people entered the water, BEFORE they knew what for sure was going to happen. What an amazing amount of faith that must have taken. Joshua comes and tells them how this is all going to happen and they believe him and in the Lord because they stepped into the water BEFORE the miracle had begun.

We went on discuss how hard it is for us in our own lives to show such displays of faith. How many of us want to see the end from the beginning? So many times the way our faith increases is by walking as far as the light will shine and then taking a few blind steps into the darkness.

I had such a wonderful time discussing this in class, I didn’t want it to end! So, I would like to hear some stories from you of when you have strived to follow God’s promptings based on faith alone. A time when you couldn’t see the end from the beginning but you followed the Spirit and did it anyway and were blessed. These are always some of the best stories, especially if you may have looked a little crazy doing it. J

2010-05-05T18:54:00.001-07:00

Lullaby

2010-04-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

I know I talk a lot about my kids on this blog but.....they're my life!

I was inspired by Nei's blog, as usual, and decided to post my favorite lullaby (currently playing).

To my husband and children: "You should always know, where ever you may go, no matter where you are....I never will be far away.

Inside this ancient heart, you'll always be apart of me."

A Good Woman

2010-04-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a good woman.

The whole process of evaluating myself in this reminds me somehow of Spring cleaning at my house. You see, I've moved so often in the past that I never really got the hang of Spring cleaning cause I was constantly going through my stuff in preparation to move. But now that I've been in the same house for a few consecutive years I'm finding this is more than a little foreign.

What I mean to say with this analogy is that I've gone through so many ups and downs in my life (emotionally, physically, spiritually) that it's taken a while to feel like life has really smoothed out into something somewhat consistent. I'm much better now in many ways than I was years ago but now I'm finding this increasing internal urging to be a little better...to lift the bar so to speak for myself.

This is where I start to think about what it truly means to be a good woman. I kid you not, no sooner had I formed the question in my mind when Sister Beck got up to speak at conference last week. I loved what she had to say and feel so much encouragement from her words. (You have to scroll to the right once to see her name and hear her talk.)

I want so much to be able to keep my life going at a smooth and steady pace yet allow myself to feel the need to improve the kind of time I spend with my boys, the kind of wife I am to my husband, and most definitely improve the way I keep house. :) These areas are just a few of many.

Maybe I feel this way because I'm almost 99% sure this baby is a girl. It makes me SO aware of the kind of woman I am, the choices I make and the way I react to every situation. As a major influence in her life I want to be someone she can look up to. Someone she can trust. Someone who is consistent in word and deed. Someone who is just plain consistent.

I know my boys see me everyday but somehow in my mind I think they follow their dad more because one day they will be men just like him. I know thats not true and they look at me just as much if not more because I am with them more. But the thought of having a girl that may grow up to be....just like me....puts me in hyper-improvement mode.

It's all so very interesting and thought provoking.

A World Of Mommies

2010-03-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

(Happy Mama)

Today Matt and I just sat back in awe of this tremendous out pouring of love and help we've received since I've been sick.

It all started last week when my visiting teachers (the "angels" I spoke of earlier) came over with a huge container of chicken soup, homemade rolls and Matt's favorite poppyseed cake. This wonderful woman who makes this "said" cake also brought us dinner when Sammy was born which is when we fell in love with it. My very good friend Jeanine brought me over a big ol' bag of mint herbal tea a few days later, just the way I like it. Fresh and out of the tea bags so I can brew it myself.

People call my phone all the time, but I'm just not up to talking a whole lot so most the time I don't answer (sorry). That was not enough for Rozla who, when I didn't answer came over to my house to see what she could do to help. And later that night my very good friends Marie and Brittany cooked us a gigantic pot of yumminess with chicken and potatoes along with some rolls. Matt's already eaten about half and even I've been able to keep down a potato or two.

All these and endless offers for people to take Sam for a few hours so I can rest!

It's just all these mommies that love to be mommies, you can tell. The way they care for not only their own families but families around them. They love to care and to nurture and feed and comfort. I have felt so blessed these past few weeks being flat on my back and nauseous as all get out, sick to the bone and totally grateful for these wonderful women who've taken care of us and made my life so much easier. I simply cannot explain what it feels like to go to bed at night and feel so... supported, in a way that feels like these other people are holding you up and keeping you together. I am so, so thankful.

.....

Also, special shout out to my husband who wouldn't like it very much if I classified him as a "mommy." But he still does so much for me. In fact, I'm finding he does a lot of my jobs better than I do, like vacuuming for instance. He still brings me everything I need, rubs my feet, brushes my hair, even mops the the kitchen floor and sanitizes the bathroom while I sit downstairs gagging from the chemical smells, but grateful. Amongst all this he also makes sure our boys are getting all the love and attention they need. I tell you all the day long but, thank you my darling, thank you.

An Angel

2010-03-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today someone left a huge container of soup on my front porch. How amazing is that? It was perfect too because just looking at most foods makes me nauseous, let alone preparing something for my family. In fact, whoever it was probably thought I was a little off my rocker cause I had a crockpot going on my front porch. See, I thought, slow cooking is the easiest. Just throw it in the pot and forget about it. But I couldn't stand smelling it all day long, so I put it out on the porch to cook. haha.

Anyway, there wasn't a note but, whoever you are, thank you so very much. I was just last night feeling so far away from my family and wished I lived closer to them during times like these. Your small gift not only will fill our bellies, but made me feel a little home, away from home.

Dear General Authorities

2010-03-11T19:41:00.000-08:00

As a child, the best things I can remember about conference weekend were great, gigantic breakfasts that seemed to last all day with lots of family over and not having to go to church. I also remember it being long and finding it hard to stay awake. :) And now, why does it feel like the more fervently I listen to General Conference, the more I feel twice a year is not enough?

I look forward to hearing your stories and counsel on the first week of April. I wish it were sooner. Until then, this is one of my favorite stories, similar to some we hear at Conference time.

Love,

Amie

Morning Sickness Blaa

2010-03-10T09:55:00.001-08:00

The past couple days I've been REALLY sick. Super super nauseous all the time. I don't remember being this way with the boys, which means that either a.) I have a horrible memory or b.) I might be pregnant with a girl this time. Both are totally plausible.

Yesterday was the worst yet. The only things I could stand to eat for most the day was 1 hard boiled egg and a few bites of oatmeal. I hate oatmeal by the way, but the last time I threw up it was so acidic that it burned my throat raw and seared my lips so they are cracked and bleeding today. I definitely was afraid to eat anything with any kind of citric acid so, oatmeal it was.

I called up my OB office finally at about 4 to beg the nurse to put me out of my misery. She told me (in her over upbeat voice) that I should try some soda and crackers. HA! Thanks Copernicus! The 1940's called, they want their top of the line advice back. She did tell me that I wasn't drinking enough though and that if I threw up that much acid again that I should go to the ER and get an IV. So, needless to say (even though it's not appealing at all) I've been suckn down the liquids like crazy today and I do feel a bit better. This morning for breakfast I had handful of Chex cereal and a grape popsicle.

My wonderful heaven sent has been my husband who yesterday let me lay in bed and on the couch and brought me everything I wanted. He fed the kids dinner and gave them a bath and even went to Home Depot to fix the stair ledge. This morning, he blew dry my hair in bed so that I wouldn't get cold. He is, in a word.... my Superman.

Stupid Keys, Stupid Dog, Stupid Wings

2010-02-25T15:09:00.000-08:00

At first I wasn’t sure, but now I KNOW I have definitely been having cravings! Cravings for really really spicy foods and then really sour foods. In fact, I couldn’t find anything around the house spicy enough to satisfy my taste buds. Not even the tapatillo on EVERYTHING was doing it’s usual trick. So I jammed on over to the new Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch with Sam and got the second hottest wings they serve, called ”wild,” to go. Sam had parmesan garlic wings.

We ate them on the way over to Jake’s school to enjoy the first grade “Celebrate America” program. I don’t have any kids in the first grade but I love to go because a large amount of kids under the age of 7 in the spotlight is just begging for some good entertainment. Public nose picking, outrageous outfits, funky hair. I love it.

Anyway, about halfway through the program my tummy starts to rumble and I feel sick. I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna upchuck quite yet but as I make my move to find an exit (just to be safe), my keys fall off my lap and down under the bleachers. We were sitting at the very top. Greeeeat. So I concentrate on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth til the show is over. Sammy crawls under and snags the keys for me. Monkey children can be so useful.

We are on our way back out to the car when all the sudden Jake tells me he has to “go.” He has to go REALLY bad. Now, I don’t know if most of you know this but my first born takes an unusually long time to poo. It’s so bad that we try and plan our outings AROUND his poop schedule just so we don’t wind up standing in a public bathroom for half an hour. But I’m still feeling nauseous so I take a chance that he can hold it and zoom home.

But that puts me back in the car where the left over wings are and the desire to puke gets even stronger with the smell lingering. The second we get home I tell Jake just to run inside. In his haste though, he leaves the gate open and what happens? Da da da daaa da daaaaaa! Out runs Rincon!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that Rincon comes to me when I call, but at times like this it would be nice if he were more obedient to ANYONE else! In fact, it would be nice if he had enough brain cells to learn to just stay inside the fence, like Molly does. But, can’t teach an old dog new tricks and he’s already too far away to hear me so, back in the car I go!

I had just gotten enough fresh air in my lungs that the smell of wings hit me full force again and I almost lost it. Dry heaving all the way until I find Rincon and hop him inside the car.

I made it home just in time to spend the rest of the evening clinging to porcelain. Just in case you’re wondering, “wild” wings burn just as much coming back up as they do going down. Needless to say, my cravings for the spicy are COMPLETELY gone.

ps- Rincon just came to snuggle my cold feet while I type so I guess I have to forgive him.

Dear Baby,

2010-02-20T22:13:00.001-08:00

Dear Baby,

I just wanted to tell you, that even though you are still so small, I love you.

If you could have only seen the look on your father’s face when I told him I was carrying you, then you would know just how much you are loved. I have never seen him as happy as when I tell him I’m pregnant. When he speaks of you, a small light glows about him. It reminds me of the day we were married.

Your brothers talk to you all the time. They whisper funny jokes to you that make no sense and then laugh hysterically. They tell you what their favorite dinosaurs are and hope that you will like to play dinos too. They always make sure to be soft with mommy now so as not to hurt you. I don’t know if I’d expect as much when you get out… but you’ll learn to like roughhousing.

Until then, rest peacefully. Safe and warm, knowing that love and happiness surround you.

All my love,

Mom

Crash and Burn

2010-02-16T18:04:00.000-08:00

I decided that I would try cross-country skiing today. So, I went to the sporting goods store, rented me some skis, boots and poles and gave it a shot out at the local golf course (which is a popular cross-country skiing place in the winter).

Things I learned:

Cross-country skiing is hard. J

Things I didn’t expect:

Falling down. I never imagined this would be a problem. I mean, how hard can it be? Just step and glide right? Apparently not so easy for me. And it always happened on the downhill which is supposed to be the funnest part!

Overheating. I wore waaay too many layers and it got hot, fast!

The smell. Although skiing next to the iced over ponds can be scenic, you're basically smooshing over a thick layer of snow covered goose poop. Yuck!

Things I did well:

1. ….ummm, choosing not to ski on the path close to the road so that people wouldn’t see that I looked like a doofus?

Overall consensus:

I've been watching too much Olympics.

Anyway, on a better note, I came home after my cross-country experience and made something new. Fiesta Raviolis! Mmmmmm! Soooo good! Inspired by the sister’s café (my old roomie from college). Except I deep fried my raviolis and finished them off with taco toppings.

Shane Koyczen

2010-02-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love that they found this guy on YOUTUBE. How amazing was his presentation? So much heart and depth to his words. Loved it!

Here was my most favorite excerpt:

"Because we believe in generations beyond our own

Knowing now that so many of us have grown past what we used to be

We can stand here today, filled with all the hope people have when they say things like 'someday'

Because we are more than just a laundry list of things to do and places to see

….

We are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can’t wait"

You Don't Know Me, But I Love You

2010-02-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

This month's Valentine goes out to my beloved Stephanie Nielson, who doesn't even have a clue who I am but I love her so much. Her most recent note of inspiration as she was headed out for yet another painful doctor visit concluded with "ps- If you carry on, I will too."

How ...whats the word I'm looking for? Generous? Thoughtful? Simple? Profound? Kind? She knows we all keep tabs on her and often have her in our prayers on a daily basis, yet here she is STILL thinking of ways to help US! Finding ways to make the pain of her situation count for even more by showing us how to properly appreciate life.

I sat and thought for a moment what I have to "carry on" through. It made me think how trivial my last post was. Granted the humor of it was meant to be expressed through my complaints but really, how bad is it to go to a simple gyno check up? At least I didn't have my entire epidermis burned off and replaced!

This also makes me think of my son, Jacob, who is absolutely terrified of blood. When he gets hurt he normally cups his hand over the injury and comes running to mommy. He'll look away if he thinks it's truly bad and will ask, "how bad is it mom, really?" After I can pry his tiny fingers away I can see how miniscule it seems to me. Nothing a band-aid won't fix generally.

I often wonder if this is how Heavenly Father looks at our so called "catastrophes." Jacob's cuts seem small to me because I've seen a lot worse. I've had a lot worse. How insignificant our complaints must seem to Him because, He's seen a lot worse. He's had a lot worse. Yet He still deals with us with MORE tenderness and patience than I would my own Jacob.

So maybe next time we face something difficult we could all take a moment to ask ourselves.....How bad is it, really?

Humm. Perspective.

I truly love you Nie and pray for you and your comfort, strength and family all the time. But, mostly, they are prayers of thanks for you.

Gyno Visits, Booo!

2010-02-06T21:12:00.000-08:00

The things we do in the name of health! I had to go to the gyno today for a check-up. Talk about a pain in the ….. (no pun intended). Men complain about having to turn their head and cough. I don’t mean to belittle your discomfort men but, pleeeeease! That lasts all of 2 seconds. At least you don’t have to put your legs in stirrups and have an enormous heat lamp lighting up your whoo hoo for deep inspection!

First thing I noticed is that it must have been a while since my last check up cause I felt super uncomfortable. Course I was wearing an entire outfit made out of paper but I still don’t remember feeling this shy before. Seriously, it’s a miracle women don’t have to go through some sort of therapy after an in-depth gyno visit. Talk about being exposed and violated! I tried to be tough about the whole thing but I walked out of there feeling like I just needed a hug.

Not that she was ever rough or unprofessional about it. I do actually remember at one point noticing how soft her hands were while she performed the breast exam. Nothing sexual mind you. After you’ve breastfed a child or two it’s easy to mentally switch from boobs being something intimate to public property when in a hospital setting. I wanted to remark on it and maybe ask her what kind of hand lotion she used but decided that was creepy and not the right moment.

The whole thing reminded me of going to see my last doctor (same office building) who use to talk my ear off about cloth diapers and how his wife still breastfed their 4 year old. I always would walk straight out of those appointments wanting to eat red meat and throw trash on the ground just to reassure myself that I would never be that Hippi-ish! Nooo thank you. I’m into disposable velcro and kicking my kid to the curb after a year. When they can unbutton the shirt FOR you, there’s something wrong. …Very wrong. *shiver*

Creamy Possibilities

2010-02-04T15:27:00.001-08:00

I've been trying lots of new things lately. My personality is such that I have to keep occupied with lots of new and exciting things to keep me sane. And, what can be more exciting than making your own cream cheese!? Real nail biter huh?

Alright so not all THAT exciting, but definitely new! I got the recipe out of this do it yourself preparedness book from Jamie and Rich for christmas. I'm not sure that I'll ever be forced into a situation that requires me to know this for self preservation, but you never know, cream cheese factory workers could go on strike at any moment and then what will we do?!

Well, if you have a dairy cow near by, you'll be ok. Next best thing for me was cream from the dairy isle. Right next to the cream cheese ironically which was on sale in abundance for $1 a brick, but who wants to do things the easy way?

Heres the process as printed in the book:

Now, you'll notice in the description that it says to suspend the cream in a clean "cloth." In hindsight, even though they didn't specify (and I had no idea what I was doing) I'm pretty sure they meant cheese cloth. But looking at the stuff, you'd have to use a lot of layers of cheese cloth because it's woven pretty lose and the cream would just drain within seconds instead of hours. Anyway, for this I craftily used a pillowcase which I washed by machine and then by hand and then boiled in water just to be safe. Still don't know if that was the best idea, but I liked that it was already in "sack" form and was easy to pour liquid into. Personally, I thought it was genius!
The book recommended to hang the cream for 24 hours (longer if needed) but when the 24 hours was up, it was still pretty liquidy. So, I hung it for an additional 24 hours. The cheese eventually coagulated to the sides of the cloth and came out looking like this:
In this picture I am draining off the remaining liquid in actual cheese cloth that I discovered at the Hippie store (The Real Food Market). Turns out 2 cups of cream yeilds about 3/4 cup of cheese. You'll have to excuse these last pictures. I couldn't find the camera and had to use my phone so they are blurry. But you can see how nicely it turned out once you stir it around.
It was a little more bland than regular cream cheese but the texture was what really threw me. At first it was exactly the same texture as store bought cream cheese, but then it just kinda melted in your mouth. Very butter like in that sense. Little weird, but good. Given these properties, I decided to make my tiny morsel into chocolate cream cheese frosting by adding a little salt, powdered sugar, and cocoa powder. It was the BEST chocolate frosting I've ever had!

The most interesting part of the whole process was just learning how to do it. I was surprised to see how easy it was and that I didn't need any crazy machinery. I don't know that I would use this knowledge on a consistent basis though because store bought cream cheese is much more inexpensive. It was however, very educational.

Dating Tragedies

2010-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

My SIL Jamie posted the most hilarious story about her worst date ever. I just about laughed my bum off! She thought it would be funny if we all shared a story of our own too. So, here goes.

It was senior year….Prom. I capitalize the the P in prom cuz it's the most important and pinnacle time in a high school girl’s life. I mean this is THE MOMENT. Girls do crazy stuff for this night like wear 100 bobbie pins in their hair and give up their virginity. It’s like high school celeb night. I think our theme might have even had something to do with “the red carpet!” Everyone is gussied up in overpriced clothing that they’ll NEVER wear again, arriving in cars that aren’t theirs, painted and hair sprayed to the max! Unfortunately, I had just broken up with my long distance boyfriend (and date) and was in desperate need of someone to escort me.

Queue Ryan.

Ryan was a beautiful boy with a tinge of a “bad boy” persona. He even had a motorcycle! In high school! Who has a motorcycle in high school? He attended my church every once in a while with his inactive mother and brother (which just adds to his appeal don't you think, pulling up to CHURCH on a motorcycle!? Oh yeah.) He had to travel 45 minutes from another town to attend, which meant that he didn’t go to my high school and was therefore not coupled up already. I asked him to go and he said yes. Perfect!

Now maybe I should preface this by explaining that I grew up with a father who gave me a “talking to” every time I tried to open a door for myself. Call me pampered and antifeminist, but I have no problem with chivalry. In fact, I expected it. Which is probably where my problem began…

Since it was MY prom that we were going to, I offered to buy the bid (price of dinner and admission to the dance). In those days that amounted to two weeks worth of work at a 50s diner I was employed at in town. Thats two weeks of scrubbing deep fried crap off the floor and asking "you want fries with that?"

Still I felt I should tell him I would pay since I asked him. THAT conversation was definitely what I call a “no reach” moment. Ya know, when a guy goes to pay the bill at the end of the meal and the girl makes a reach for the check and he says “no no, I got this, but thanks for the reach.” Like I said, with Ryan there wasn’t even a twitch of the hand. But he was driving us to the dance in his dad’s sports car and he had big arms and a nice smile, so I forgave him.

Day of the Prom comes. My hairstylist step mom just finished perfecting my hair and make up and I’m dressed to impress. He pulls up to my house NOT in...

as promised. But in....

minus the surf board, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. …yeeeah. I don’t think he was seeing this night like I was. Most important night and not only were we going to be late now that we had to wait for him to get READY, but my hair was going to go from

Alright I say to myself. It’s gonna be ok. He goes in to change. Comes back out and we get ready to take a few pics for the whole boutonnière corsage thing. ….Only, he didn’t get me a corsage. All the men in my house just shake their heads in disappointment and look at me like “where did you find this loser?”

Somehow, we make it to the Prom, but it only took about half way through dinner for me to see that he was beautiful ,without a brain. Conversation was lacking….considerably. In fact, it as like learning a whole new meaning to the term “meathead.” I spent the rest of the meal silently chiding myself for not discovering this earlier. I must have been blinded by his good looks which, so far, were turning out to be his only strong point.

I might had been able to find solace in the comfort of my friends but unfortunately it was on this night I discovered just how much we had grown apart with all the time I had recently spent visiting my ex-boyfriend, dad, and sister who all lived in other towns. Plus they didn’t know my date and we already established that he was incapable of an intelligent exchange.

I’m feeling used, alone and bored in the middle of a slow dance on what should be the best night of my life and all the sudden, Ryan tries to kiss me!! Now, he may have been a fine-looking boy and I may have been a hormonal teenage girl interested in the opposite sex, but I certainly wasn’t THAT horney! I pulled the whole head-turn thing and he planted one on my check. I'm very proud of that moment but I was still feeling like I could identify with this girl..

I don't know who she is, but I LIKE her!

Finally we headed home and except for him trying to bum a dollar for soda and a few more kisses off me on the way, it didn’t get much worse.

The only highlight of that entire night was coming home and finding a corsage left for me on my pillow by my sister’s boyfriend who was one of the men to witness the horrible way that whole evening started.

So there you have it! The most horrible date I ever had. It could have been a lot worse, but it was bad enough for me. Lets hear one of yours!

ps- When I typed the word "prom" in google images, I got this picture:

Really? I mean REALLY? What is the world coming to?! I don't know whether to take her to the local brothel or return her to the gypsies! Common parents! Put your man pants on and tell your daughter to get dressed! Ain't no way I'd let her out of the house like that! Much less to Prom. This is one of the biggest reasons why chivalry is dead in the first place. Why would men work to get the hamburger when they can get the whole cow for free? See what I'm sayn?

Welp, look at the bright side though, if she hurrys on down to the corner she can earn a little gas money for her date!

Kids A Great Source of Entertainment

2009-12-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to my very first Elementary Christmas Performance for my own child. It was glorious, absolutely magical and I drank in every moment of it. I even cried at the end. I know, I know. But to redeem myself from my pathetic momminess, I did take some pretty outstanding pictures of other people's kids.

The first is Four G's red carpet "who wore it best?"...
30%
50% (I think the black boots are what boosted her above the rest).
15%
5%

Both these next 2 boys obviously borrowed something out of closets that weren't theirs...

His gay parents are very proud.

"oops! I did it again!" .... what's a hairbrush?
Hey kid! Leave it to Beaver called, he wants his style back!
....um whose kid is that?

If You Had To Describe Your Kids In Two Words....

2009-11-18T13:50:00.001-08:00

Jacob: pensive and imaginative.

Samuel: Bold and independent

What would you say about yours?

Have You Seen This?

2009-11-16T23:04:00.001-08:00

Oh my goodness. This may be the best thing since clap on clap off lights! Granted I would never feel comfortable using it on my front door, but holly crap! If Matt ever gets around to building a hideout for our boys, I am TOTALLY buying this thing! And if it's not for sale, well by golly, I'll knock my knuckles til they're bloody to get into this guys apartment and steal it! Probably won't be too hard. I'll just make up some crazy beat from a Lord of the Rings movie and walk in on him and his friends wearing long capes and elf ears. How do you say "can I borrow this?" in Elvish?

What Are Your Thoughts On This Quote?

2009-10-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

This has always been one of my most favorite quotes. I've used it before on here but I'd like to bring it up again on it's own to hear some of your thoughts or personal experiences related to what C.S. Lewis is expressing.

“You can not in your present state understand eternity. But you can get some likeness of it if you say that both good and evil when they are full-grown become retrospective. All this earthly past will have been heaven to those who are saved and all their life on earth too will then be seen by the damned to have been hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering ‘no future bliss can make up for it.’ Not knowing that heaven once attained will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And they say of some sinful pleasure let me have but this and I’ll take the consequences, little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man’s past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take in the quality of heaven and the bad man’s past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why at the end of all things when the sun rises here and twilight turns to blackness down there, the blessed will say we have never lived anywhere but in heaven. And the lost will say we were always in hell….and both will be right.”

Lets Start The Week Off Right...

2009-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

...and what better way to do that than with a little Brian?

and of course, some of my favorite classics...

Talk About Your Easy Convenience...

2009-10-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, that's a tub...and a toilet on this person's front porch. I snapped this picture coming home from a family bonfire at the lake. I just wonder, what kind of front porch sitt'n can we expect here? I wanna go back and put a magazine rack by the toilet.

Really?

2009-10-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I went out to check the mail. In between the bills and the classifieds I found this little postcard from the Mayor of Helena explaining to the citizens that in the near future there would be a roundabout put in on the south side of town. On the postcard was an explanation of what a roundabout was and even a colored diagram of how to use it! I couldn’t believe it! I mean first off, I remember seeing my first roundabout in action when I was like 7 and now at age 26 my fellow citizens are opening up their mailboxes and discovering for the first time just what a roundabout even IS? I can just see the majority now…mouths agape…scratching their heads whilst they study it…maybe even taping it to their dashboard for quick future reference. Hilarious. I wanted to frame it, but I settled for putting it on my fridge. It’s wonderful, like reading the comics every time I reach in for my cereal milk.

I was interested to see how this was going to be accepted considering the fact that if there is something Montanans don’t do well… it’s change. I haven’t heard of any accidents yet but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of a large reduction in traffic heading into the south side of town.

Anyway, last week they finally finished some retarded construction on the main street close to my house. I say retarded because the past two times they have done major construction on this road (which needs to be widened into a 4 lane road in a bad way) it always ends up looking the exact same way it was before they dug it all up. Just as I was beginning to suspect that 1.) the government must be desperate to put these people to work, tearing things up only to put things right back or 2.) no one knew what the hell they were doing, I suddenly realized that this time something WAS different! They had created a turning lane!

This is actually a very good and smart thing to have done. I was overjoyed because I have to cross eastbound traffic to go westbound towards Jake’s school every morning. Traffic is always terrible in the mornings so I was really ecstatic to put this turning lane to good use. But then again…..

The time came to use it. I pulled up to the road and when I could see that the oncoming traffic was easing up I crossed over and merged easily into the turning lane. Now all I had to do was wait for the opposite traffic to ease a little so I could merge right in! …… obviously not so easy. Apparently this is new for Helenans too because the westbound traffic suddenly SLAMMED on their brakes thinking I was a total crazy for moving out into the middle of the road!!! Not only did the lead lady slam on her brakes but she stopped COMPLETELY almost causing a 5-car pile up. Luckily everyone must have had their coffee that morning cause no one crashed but as I stubbornly stayed in the turning lane every car that passed by me HONKED at me!!! To which I screamed back “IT’S A TURNING LANE PEOPLE!!!” I couldn’t believe it! That Helena would be so far behind in the times that grown people would not even know how to use a turning lane. I thought maybe I just need to keep using it so that people get the general idea of what it’s for. Nope. Just more ignorant honking. Obviously Mayor Smith, we are going to need another colored postcard here. ASAP!

Simplify

2009-09-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

I just want to say how much I have recently enjoyed focusing on the people in my life that are right here, right now. And I know I know that last week I was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum about loving people in general. Right now half of you are thinking…How did she get from “mommy wants Vodka” to “all things bright and beautiful?” …Did she actually get the Vodka?

But really, with so much to distract us from the present, it’s hard to stay attuned to the people actually around us sometimes. It’s almost a struggle these days to do that. Wait….it’s not LIKE a struggle…it IS a struggle!

Besides the fact that there are so many ways to stay in touch without ever speaking a word, it’s like just one more stick gets put on the camel’s back when they started inventing things like myspace, facebook and twitter. As if I don’t have enough trouble keeping in touch with my family, now I gotta stay up to speed with dear old Sally who was my best friend in kindergarten but moved away at the beginning of first grade!?? I really don’t care that she just got a new puppy and can’t get him house trained!

So a few years ago I stopped. I stopped doing anything that had to do with a computer and it literally felt like turning off a T.V. that was playing a bunch of loud static. All the sudden I could hear the doorbell ring! I could listen to my son talking to me….and actually HEAR what he had to say! Birds were chirping outside!!! It actually makes me think of that Carpenters song Close To You… “Why do birds suddenly appeeeear?”

I’m not saying that it’s bad to stay connected. Obviously I’m back on the computer now and I keep up two blogs, but I learned a long time ago, that was my limit as far as technology goes. I don’t do “connection sites,” I check my e-mail MAYBE once a week, I don’t have T.V., and I don’t play video games. They don’t interest me as much as real people do.

Some people can do it. Some people are amazingly talented and can be intensely connected to technology and it works for them. Like Bill Gates. Obviously he’s a millionaire from it. …And if I wanted to have a bad hair cut and wear plaid shirts under an Armani suit then I would try to be more like him.

I’ve learned whats best for me is the face to face, but I have to practically force myself to do it. I love to hear the sound of voice inflection and see facial expression. I love walking with people, crying with them, lol ing WITH them, hugging them! And when technology gets in the way of that I find myself not only becoming disconnected from the tangible reality, but not even liking the tangible reality! Because technology is easy. It’s easier to send an email than it is to call someone on the phone. It’s easier to wish your friend happy birthday on their facebook than it is to come to their house and give them a gift. And the saddest part of it all, is I would totally be the person who breaks up with someone via text if I let myself, why? Because it’s easier than having the courage to tell them to their face “it’s not me….it’s you.”

So I guess what I’m saying is, I can’t do it all and if something gotta to give….it’s gonna be Sally. Sorry Sally, but I free up so much time when I’m not reading about your puppy woes. I’ve decided that it’s ok NOT to be connected to everyone and only in touch with the people we can actually see everyday (plus family). Last week, one of my most favorite things was taking a whole hour to think, while I was getting ready for the day, about what I wanted to tell my friend in her birthday card that I was taking over to her that afternoon. I LOVED that. Knowing she’d get something in my own personal penmanship with a lot of thought behind it. It made me feel so CONNECTED to her.

You see and meet new people everyday. I am just really liking the idea that I am apart and involved with them so long as I can see them face to face at least once a month. Otherwise, my good memories and love for them remain, but I let them move on to the next people bound to touch their lives. And I release myself from any guilt for not knowing every detail of their current life.

It’s my way of internally simplifying. What are some of your ways?

Dear Stupid People of Helena,

2009-09-09T21:19:00.001-07:00

You would not believe the kind of people I’ve had to deal with today. ABSOLUTELY incredible. I just can’t get over the absurdly low average IQ sometimes. Dense people! It’s almost a cruel joke of nature not to be able to bring it to your attention. The unbearable pain of possessing a sharp forked tongue capable of verbally chopping you and your idiotic ideas to pieces… only my conscience and common curticy (which is only one of the many droplets in the vast sea of things which sperates us) won’t give me the damn knife!

I’d tell you who you are purely to ensure that the mistake of breeding does not repeat itself….but you wouldn’t listen. I’d only end up with generations of stupider angrier versions of you, so I won’t waste my valuable energy. (And yes I am well aware of the irony in using the non-word “stupider” in that sentence.)

So, idiotic walmart person, oblivious cell phone girl on the freeway, teenage neighbor kids, and President Obama (you aren’t from Helena but we’ll make an exception today in light of your retarded healthcare plan), and everyone else who had the audacity to piss me off today, you all can point your finger at each other and take solace in the fact that “it couldn’t have been me! She must be talking about him.” That’s right, live in denial and procreate! That’s what this world really needs. Except you Obama, I’ve got my people working 24-7 on a little something I like to call permacondum and when it’s done the United States will thank me.

Thank heaven above for the invention of the speed bag. Otherwise I’d be spending a lot of money on anger management.

Never Mind

2009-09-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Deciding to go private was bitter sweet for me. I love it when people I've never met come and comment on our pages. It makes the world seem smaller. So I decided to put my family blog private and keep this one open cause it's more of a column and columns should be for anyone to read. So false alarm folks.

Today

2009-08-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up to an alarm

I prayed

I sliced fresh strawberries atop of snap crackle and pop

I took first day of school pictures

I cried

I took the little man to school

I rode on a yellow school bus (tour)

I sat in a chair too small for me

I saw my son sit in a chair just his size

I cried

I swung on a metal swing set

I climbed a jungle gym

I did a summersault on a metal bar

I watched my boys play

I cried again

...three times. Not too bad. First real day of school is tomorrow though...

Letter To My Boys

2009-08-19T09:41:00.001-07:00

To Jake and Sam,

I knew I always wanted to have children but you made me want to be a mom. To do mom things like decorate your room cowboy style and make you chaps to match. Like finding 10 extra minutes to explore the gloriousness of your little toes. Like taking the time in the early hours of the morning to appreciate how perfectly your bodies form against mine as we snuggle down in the blankets, as if my body was made to cuddle yours.

I love that you ask me to sing to you every night before you go to bed. I especially love that I have an entire song made up completely dedicated to The Power Rangers.

I love that you play “pretend.” That the world is a pirate ship to you or a tropical jungle back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I wonder what it’s like sometimes to see the world through T-Rex’s eyes as you do. We all must look like tiny ants from way up there!

I love that you love each other. That when your father and I get upset with you over misbehavior that you give each other hugs of consolation. Sibling relationships will be the most important of your life.

I love that you love to be outside. That you enjoy nature even more than I do. That you expand your knowledge of the world by examining crickets up close in your tiny hands.

I am so looking forward to being your fulltime mom again so that I can spend every moment with you. If working fulltime has taught me anything, it’s that I want to be a mom. The old fashioned kind that gets up before everyone else does and wears an apron all day. Who makes cleaning fun like my sweet mother used to do by intertwining silly things into our “to do” list like go jump on the trampoline 10 times or go out and pet the horse.

I love and enjoy your company and the vibrancy of your imaginations. I am determined to be the best version of myself so that I can be the best mom for you.

All my love to you,

Mom

COPS

2009-08-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when things go wrong...they go REALLY wrong and when things go right they go REALLY right? Why can't life just play me a happy medium?

Anyway, I am not going to complain about our most recent REALLY good and that was Matt getting on with the Helena PD. So bring on all the pig and doughnut jabs!

You've worked so hard for this Matt and I am so thankful for all you have done to get here. No one has been better prepared for this job than you. You could be anything you want but I can just see you excelling in this occupation so easily. You are smart and even tempered, you work well with people yet are fierce when you need to be. You have always had a sense of duty to your God, your family, your country, and your community. I'm just so thankful to be married to a man that our boys can look up to.

Ahg, I feel like we can finally take a deep breath and relax for a moment. In your honor I put my favorite song by The Police on here.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I love you.

this week...

2009-07-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to appreciate the fact that sometimes the best opinions....are the ones left unshared.

Grateful

2009-07-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, despite the stresses of our lives (which seem to be many these days) I sat back and reflected how I had seen the Lord's hand in my life. It was then that I was overwhelmingly grateful to be married to a man who continually finds the courage to stand for what he believes in, even against those perhaps he loves the most. To my shame, sometimes against me. Sometimes against family. Sometimes against people he's never met before. On a consistent basis I have witnessed him choose to be the change he wants to see in this world. And because he is imperfect I feel that is what makes him the most valuable because he's seen, as I have, what excitements sin can hold, yet he still strives to hold on to the changes he has made and do what is right.

Parents are correct when they say that their children "just won't listen." They don't....They watch. How grateful I am this day for the example Matt sets for our children and for me.

Why The Doc Gets A Bad Rep

2009-06-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

Everywhere around the world at this specific moment and time, hundreds of kids are going through the same, all-time traumatic event in their lives. Kindergarten shots. I remember this day so well…..

My mom packed us all up in the car to go to the doctor. Not so bad I think. We play doctor all the time at my house with our play stethoscope. Camille checks my heart and I get a lollypop. Not a bad thing right? …. So, so wrong!

I remember distinctly sitting on a stool in the middle of a room all by myself with the nurse. There I was, minding my own business, looking away from her at all the great stuff they had in their office to get into when all the sudden I felt the shot go into my finger. My head whips around to see nothing in her hands and a stapler on the counter! I start screaming “SHE STAPLED MY FINGER! SHE STAPLED MY FINGER!!!”

It wasn’t till years later when I witnessed almost the exact same course of events with my friend Jolene, that I realized the nurses kept a small finger stabber (that’s the scientific name) in their lab coat pocket for blood samples. She slipped it out and right back in again before I even knew what was coming. And that was just the prick to get a blood sample, the shots hadn’t even come yet and I’m already in full FREAK out mode! In the end it took three nurses to hold me down.
…And everyone wonders why we have such an innate fear of doctors!! BECAUSE THEY HOLD YOU DOWN AND POKE YOU TIL YOU BLEED!

…Now of course I didn’t say that to my son when we got ready to go the other day. Can you imagine that? “Jake we are going to the doctor today and they are gonna hold you down and poke you til you bleed….but it will be ok.” Ha! This is why mothers are diplomats. I did however try to be as candid as possible. I told him where we were going and what was going to happen. I told him about the shots and that they would hurt a little but it would be for just a moment and then after he could pick out any toy he wanted in walmart, within reason…

He surprisingly was great with that and marched right into the doctor's office proclaiming loudly what he was there for and what he was going to get for it! I was so proud. Then the nurses bring in the shots and he looks at the tray…..and he looks at me…..and his eyes get big and all the sudden he is his mother’s son. He still sat there bravely for the first one just leaning away a little bit but unable to take his eyes off the shots, like a bug attracted to the light. But as soon as she broke skin he was screaming bloody murder! I had Sammy in my lap (not even thinking before hand that he might be scared from seeing this) so I set him down on the chair and he curls into the fetal position with his eyes shut tight and his hands over his little ears while I go to help the nurses.

Now heaven help me but we had to have the new nurse who was just giving her first set of children’s shots on my son. Yeeeeah. Luckily she still had her trainer in there with her who was talking her through it all but when Jake started screaming, she just froze like a deer in the headlights. Plus to top it off, he had worked himself up so much that his nose started to bleed, and my son is not given to nose bleeds so this was pretty traumatic for him. It was so sad.

But being the tough love mom that I am, I take the reins on this operation. I grab some tissue for Jake to hold up to his nose and force him to lie down. I use my arms and chest to pin the lower half of his body to the table and tell the trainer to brace his arm. Then I look up at the trainee whose shaking with the next shot in hand (3 more to go) and tell her to “JUST DO IT!”
She’s still kinda frozen like she doesn’t know if that’s the best idea and I feel like slapping her across the face and shaking her by the shoulders “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!” I wondered for a moment if I looked cruel in her eyes. That maybe she thinks I should let him take a brake and calm down. But I know my son and I’m 100% positive that if I let him go, he would have run right out of there and neither hell nor high water would have stopped him. It’s best just to get it over with. So she does. And it is all over.

I scoop Jake up and hold him til he stops crying then scoop Sammy up in the other arm and walk out of there knowing full well I’m never going to get either of them to come back there without the crippling fear all coming back to them. We drove to Walmart which gave me time to finally unwind and let it all sink in. Having to hold my son down for all of that was so hard for me but I knew it had to be done. Before we went in I pulled Jake up into the driver seat with me and just held him and cried. I felt so bad. Poor kiddo. I can only hope that he won’t remember that day as well as I remember mine. I know he will though cause he holds up the toy dragon he got and recounts the story of how he earned it to anyone that will listen.

I KNOW you all have some great doctor stories....

Something Wicked This Way Comes....

2009-06-14T10:43:00.001-07:00

I Suck At...

2009-06-10T23:19:00.001-07:00

We spend so much time on these blogs making ourselves look good. “look at all the great things MY family does!” “Look at how great I look in this picture!” “Look at all my accomplishments!” Granted, we like to share the happy things in our lives. Someone once said that we only take pictures of the happy moments and that’s therefore what we document, but it all just gives me a head ache sometimes. So, in honor of my mood today, this blog is dedicated to my worst recent failure...

Last year I played softball for a team associated with my work. It was really fun but by the end of the season I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to do it again next year for a few reasons. First, because it was a LONG season. The entire summer to be exact, and with a game every week it got a little old. Second, because I’d have a mini heart attack before each game just anticipating the pressures that come from others watching you and depending on you. ….oh, and also because I can’t play softball to save my life!

Sure I played in high school a couple years but I remember not liking it very much and half way into the third year I just had “too much on my plate” and quit. (Pssh! Whatever that means for a 16 year old. I probably just wasn’t getting enough mack time with my boyfriend. Ya know with all that school crap getting in the way). I remember slamming a homerun right out to center field one game and thinking…. “This is never gonna happen again. I’m totally quitting after this. Go out on an up note!” I’m such an optimist it kills me.

Anyway, back to the story. So after deciding definitely NOT to play again this year… I sign up to play again this year. Haha. Wow Amie, way to stick to your guns! I totally got suckered into playing though with a team from my church. …..they said “hey amie, come play,” and I said “um, ok.” …Aaaand this is why I have tons of Mary Kay makeup in my bathroom that I never use! I’m just a sucker for a sob story! Can you imagine what would have happened if they’d have said “amie, we really need you”? I probably would have sponsored the freaken team, with money I don’t have!

Anyway, as it turns out I’m thinking maybe I should have grown that backbone and said no because we SUCK. We lose EVERY GAME! And I’m sure you’re saying to yourselves “aww amie it can’t be THAT bad. These other teams must just know their stuff really well and practice. “ ….NOPE! They’re overweight office geeks, that are most of the time drunk off their asses, just happy to be out there doin something other than push that pencil. Ya….we suck. Wanna know the best part about it? …I play right field. Guess where they put the crappiest player on the team? Right field. Awesome. I’m like the lowest on the totem pole. No! LOWER! I’m like the stake in the ground that grounds the totem pole! It’s just so sad that all I can do is laugh about it. It really is ridiculous.

Whenever I start to get down about it I just keep thinking about what my good friend Joe Dirt says. “You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart.” … That and... there HAS to be a bottom somewhere right? There has to be someone out there that makes everyone else feel better about themselves. Someone they can compare to and say “ya, I missed a few out there, but at least I wasn’t picking dandy lions out with amie in right field!"

Everyone serves their purposes, and in softball…this must be mine, and I’ve accepted that much. But should there ever come a day that I don’t strike out and by some miracle hit one out of the park....well I’m gonna run myself right over home plate and then run myself right on outta there because that’s as good as it gets people!

I’d like you to take a moment just to share something that you aren’t so good at. I’m not saying we shouldn’t focus on the positive, I’m just sayin keep it real. Anything else is making me nauseous right now. My other blog included. In fact that’s probably why I haven’t posted much on that blog lately. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll feel differently. But I’m a woman! What more excuse do you need to be fickle? Besides, I think that sharing our realities can be very therapeutic. So…I SUCK at softball, most of the time my house is a mess, and my 3 year old son recently took a dump in our back yard in broad daylight! Ha! BEAT THAT!

Too Early For Rapists

2009-05-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

So matt and I have been talking a lot about gun safety. Not only because if he gets hired on with the police force he will be carrying a gun even in civilian clothes, but because we’ve recently doubled our arsenal by looking after some guns for Matt’s brother. We talk about where’s the best place to keep them. How to teach our boys about them etc.

We also like to talk about a lot of “what if” situations to be prepared incase of an intruder in our home. Wheres the best place to position yourself. Which gun to grab. What to do if they have one of the boys. You know. FYI- don’t for any reason sneak into my home to surprise me. I’ve been taught to pull the trigger till there’s nothing left.
Anyway, talking about these scenarios, like we did last night, always gets me a little jumpy for a few days after. Prone to overreaction. It’s like watching a scary movie that you know is fake but when you’re taking the trash out that night you still run a little bit when you’re coming back inside.

Well this morning I’m home alone (Matt’s at work) and I’d just sent two rambunctious lion cubs, who like to practice their pouncing techniques on a sleeping mama lion, downstairs to watch some Popeye while I throw my hair up and go drag in a deer for them to gnaw on. My head is still on the pillow when the doorbell rings. My eyes pop wide and I freeze while quickly scanning in my head some wave of stupidity to schedule visiting teaching this early or watch someone’s kids for them…. Nope. Drawing a blank.

I kid you not the first sentence that pops into my head is….”Surely it’s too early for rapists.” ……This is why I don’t say most my thoughts aloud. But I’m in a jam because my little lions are bound to come up the stairs with feathers hanging out of their mouths cause I took too long with the deer, and then my intruder could easily tell someone was home. …..plus, the curiosity was killing me!

So I grab my 357 just as a precaution and creep towards the door. Through the peephole I can see that no one is there but there’s a big ‘ol bowl of candy on the front railing. “…damn robbers must have done their homework! How else would they know my weakness? Well I won’t fall for it! I won’t!” And just as I’m renewing my willpower my eye slams into the peephole cause someone is now banging on the backdoor and I jumped out of surprise!

That gave it away though because there’s only one person I know with the audacity to bang on all the doors of my house and shamelessly peak in all the windows to be SURE that no one is home… and that’s a eight year old neighbor boy named Jamie. Apparently he had made a May basket for Jake and wanted to give it to him before he left for school. Well, before any half-mast eyelid was even THINKING about school to be honest. Sigh.

Anyway, those were the events of my morning. No rapists or robbers today. Just an 8 year old boy without a brain. Later he and I are taking a trip to OZ to see about that.

Gossip

2009-04-27T08:53:00.001-07:00

Every place I’ve worked has always had gossip. Always. Normally it doesn’t bother me but this job at the Mac Grill seems to be so much worse than usual. The servers especially tend to have the most difficulty keeping absurd juicy rumors to themselves. It’s actually quite humorous to watch them make a transformation from talking with a guest at their table. Refined, professional, dignified…..

To….

These girls are mort attractive than I see in my head but if you can imagine them 20 years older, snapping their gum in between pulls from a cigarette, you'd catch more my drift.

Every time they open their mouths to spread idle (and sometimes hurtful) gossip I get this image in my head. It’s so unattractive. What’s hilarious is when I catch myself participating in the same crap and I see myself in that same get up. It’s really a very effective method for breaking the habbit.

My New Favorite Band

2009-04-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

I just found these guys and I'm pretty sure they are fairly new considering their touring is mostly local and they aren't backed by any huge labels yet. I have a feeling they are going to make it big time though!

For Laura

2009-03-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

We still need matching posters.

Thanks Brent

2009-03-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am proud to be a member of a church so inspired and focused on serving others.

Heidi Inspired

2009-03-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

My cousin Heidi had this on her blog and I thought it was the most unique music video I've ever seen. And thats saying something with all the repetitive themes of music videos these days. No originality! This one was truly one of a kind in my eyes. Very well done!
Thanks Heidi!

Forced Anorexia

2009-02-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

So I picked up this new job a few weeks ago working in the nursery at my gym just for a couple hours a week in the mornings. My shift runs right through lunchtime but not a problem, I think to myself. I’ll just bring lunch along with me. They have a microwave and a mini fridge after all. I’m sure people do it all the time! Even though there wasn’t any trace of food around. Humm...

Next day at work, everything’s is going according to plan. We get a little bit of a lul in business. Not that many kids, perfect time to break out some fettuccini in garlic cream sauce from the Mac Grill. I warm it up and give it a stir thinking how spoiled I am that my leftovers come from a nice restaurant and I didn’t have to cook. I dig in and take my first bite. Right as I’m about to swallow, little Will comes over with a river of thick green snot, oozing out both nostrils. The thickness and consistency of it is enough to make me loose my appetite mid-bite. I look away, choke down what I have (almost not making it) and grab a tissue. He’s off to play again but I know I won’t be able to look at my beautiful fettuccini alfredo until I can wipe that image from my mind. ….it’s been 2 week, and I can still see it plain as day.

Now I may not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I learned my lesson enough to know that slimy stringy things for lunch aren’t going to work. So I pack a cold cut sandwich for the next day hoping I won’t run into anything unappealing that reminds me of ham on whole wheat. I didn’t. Phew! But as I’m eating, one of the little girls named Hanna asks if she can sit on my lap and read me her story. Sure I think. Whats the harm in that? …apparently her breath wasn’t within my range at the time for this little darling dear had THE most putrid smelling stench wafting out of her mouth that I have ever encountered. Like sour milk and throw up kinda mixed together. And in her moment of exuberant animation she literally spits one of the words at my face and all I can think is “IT’S ON ME!!! IT’S ON ME!” I smiled, scooped her off my lap, and as I scrubbed my face in the sink I sigh quietly to myself at the fact that if I ever have a little girl, I'll never be able to name her Hanna. The half eaten sandwich goes back in the ziplock where is stays for the rest of the day. Humm….no contact with children while eating….check.

I’m starting to see why there was no food in the fridge on my first day.

The next week, I forgo the thought of lunch altogether and think more along the lines of snacking til I get home. I search high and low for something… ANYTHING that is not wet and gooy. Cheddar Cheese fish crackers is what I decide is safe and I eat them while the kids are distracted with a movie. I focus intently on the cold hard steel of the building next door. Nothing soft or mooshy that would remind me of the 10 goopy noses I’ve already wiped today. But I’ve forgotten one more element. So easy, so obvious, the ultimate weapon at their disposal to ruin my desire for food altogether. It was in that moment when the potent certain smell of someone else’s poop came drifting into my nostrils that I gave up completely. I decided from that moment on that I would rather starve than eat anything at this place. No more planning or ideas…. because poop trumps all.

The Holy Bible....ugh.

2009-01-25T16:32:00.000-08:00

I used to write more blogs like this, about spiritual things, when I first started. Lightly. But I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Bible these days studying our Savior’s life and ministry. I know there are a number of people who aren’t of my faith who read my blog so for you, I’m warning you now that there is no quick wit or good humor to find here today (sort of). Just some thoughts about scripture that I wanted to get on paper that I hope you’ll be interested in reading anyway.

These are just a few versus out of Matthew 5. I usually find no particular excitement in reading the Bible because… to be utterly honest… it bores me sometimes. But I think that’s because whenever I’ve tried to get through it, I start with Genesis. I’m pretty sure I’ve got Genesis memorized for all the times I’ve tried to read the Old Testament and never got past that first book before I awoke to uncrinkle the pages that had become imprinted on my face and wipe away the drool. Then I pick in up again, months later, and start at the beginning….again. So this time, I broke all the rules and started in the middle.

I like reading scripture and then trying to put in in everyday language. It makes it come to life and helps me make sense of all the old language. You may read these and think “you’re totally missing the point of that scripture!” But there can be many interpretations to one verse. I am merely sharing one of many that I liked. These verses aren’t in order either. I’ve never been one for order… just as my laundry room.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.”
At first when I read this I thought “poor in spirit? Like…sad? …So I should go around moping, and then I get the kingdom? Well that doesn’t sound right!” And of course it isn’t. Poor in spirit refers to humility. And since my pride happens to be my number one nemesis, that makes the game a little more interesting.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
I thought I knew what meek meant until I read the reference for this specific verse. It describes it as gentle, forgiving and benevolent… but not only that. It also says that they are characterized as the humble who have suffered.
I think there are people in this life (myself included) who become jaded by life. But this verse plainly tells us that becoming hard and callused from the world is a choice. There ARE people who choose to be meek- and to me, from this definition, they deserve to inherit something huge like a planet! Because they aren’t described as someone who has had a fairly easy life. No, it’s talking about people who have suffered, yet still CHOOSE to be gentle, forgiving and benevolent. That says volumes about them.

“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”
In the footnotes it says peacemaker is to be identified with contentment. Again I thought… what they heck? What does contentment have to do with peacemakers? Then I thought of it on a larger scale like nations at war. Why do we ever go to war? If you think about it, most of the time, it’s because someone somewhere isn’t content with what they have. They want more. More power, more money, more respect etc. And suddenly, they are willing to disrupt the peace to get it.
On a smaller scale, this scripture is for the individuals who are content with what they have, for they help keep the peace and are therefore truly worthy to be related to God through such an intimate title.

“Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.”
My first reaction to this verse was “…that’s it?” Everybody else in these versus get all these massive amazing gifts like inheriting kingdoms and worlds and titles …and all these guys get is a hug? ….this is why I have to really STUDY scripture. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stop to realize that it’s so much more than that.
I think about the times in my life when I’ve really suffered. Times in my life when I’ve watched people I love suffer. Suffer through things that I can’t help them with. Do you know what that’s like? Trying to help someone when you know there is nothing you can do? It’s in times like those that I am most thankful for this scripture because it gives me hope that even through the most sorrowful events, they will be comforted. We all can be comforted. And that’s no small gift.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
This one strikes home for me. There are things I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of. Things that deep down I feel like I haven’t been a whole person since because it’s created so much pain for others. I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I truly let the atonement do it’s job and that’s something I’m working on. But that’s why I love this verse so much, because in the meantime, I feel like there is something I can do to “regain points in heaven” and that’s be merciful to everyone else who crosses me. Maybe what this verse SHOULD mean to me (since I can’t think of anyone I hold malice for right now) is that I should be more merciful to myself as well. Humm…that’s food for thought.

More food for thought later! It’s time to get on with my day and stop trying to make sense of the world.

The Sex Talk

2008-12-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

Now, I was just complaining to my friend Rick here that I’ve been running out material lately to blog about. My last entry felt forced. Lacking in….genuine Amieness.

In all honesty though, the problem isn’t that I’ve run out of material…it’s that I’ve run out of SAFE material. You see, people of Helena, I depend on you. I depend on you to say stupid things, wear out dated clothing and participate in activates that would make even Jeff Foxworthy’s “you know you’re a redneck when….” list look civilized. But you refuse to play your part lately and my poor blog is sufferings for it! Hang your head in shame!

I say “safe” material because chances of you coming across my blog and realizing that YOU are the medieval peasant being put to death by my guillotine of sarcasm are slim to none. Therefore no blood no foal!

My family however produces an unhealthy amount of blogable material (myself included!). JUICY blogable material. Material that would make even the most benevolent milkmaid clap her dirty hands together in sadistic delight to see the beheading!

Not all of my family members posses what is referred to as a “sense of humor” though. Even though it would be better for us all to have a good healthy laugh at ourselves, inevitably, feelings get hurt and the normal once a year contact via Christmas card is maliciously held back!

If there’s ONE person I can count on to make the walk of shame, face the guillotine and live to tell the tale though, it’s my father. All hail Barney Zauss for his charitable sacrifice!

So my dad and my step mom came to visit for Thanksgiving this past weekend and, like most conversation always does under his roof, they inexorably either drift towards all things spiritual, or all things sex related. Seeing as how it was my husband’s and my 6th year anniversary… you can only guess where this conversation floated.

Six years ago my husband and I knew nothing about sex. We married each other as virgins and even though it was a hot topic of conversation in my house growing up, I was still somewhat shielded by knowing glances and “we’ll tell you when you’re older” speeches. So, naturally, we were shocked and appalled when my dad and Carolyn gave us a very….descriptive….visual….sex book as a wedding present. They weren’t the only ones to make such an offering, but theirs was by far the most graphic. Like, what were you thinking?? kind of graphic.

Matt thought it would be a good idea to put it on their table in their guest room as bedside reading material. Instead he settled for bringing it up in this particular conversation.

“I couldn’t believe you would give us such a book!” he said, eyes wide with scandal. “…well, I could, but it was still a bit of a shock!”

“I really don’t remember,” my dad said in defense “but I’m sure it can’t be THAT bad.”

“oh yea? You wanna see it?!” As he sprints off the couch into our bedroom and returns half a second later, book with worn pages in hand. You can tell we never use it.

My dad flips it open to some random page in the middle and slams it shut, his face burning cherry red.

“That’s what I thought!” I said, joining the rolling laughter.

We have a good hoot about it but instead of changing the subject my dad proceeds to tell me some of his and Carolyn’s best sex blooper stories. And by “tell” I mean he opened his mouth and said “I remember when…” and I knew I had already heard too much! He was never inappropriate, very discreet and humorous but there are just some things that a daughter with a vivid imagination like mine should never be prevailed upon with. Even now, I physically claw at my forehead trying to remove these unwanted images of my parents from my head!!

I forgive you though dad. I guess I was finally old enough to know and we asked for it by breaking that book out. I’m not so sure Matt will be as pardoning though seeing as how later that night when normal 6th year anniversary activities were SUPPOSED to commence, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I Just Wanna Sit By You

2008-11-29T21:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to the conclusion this week that it’s impossible to read in public. Even though it’s a perfectly acceptable pastime, you can’t read with other people around. It’s impossible! It’s like people see what you are doing and know you can’t physically talk to them AND read at the same time but because you are out in public they disregard it and ramble on to you anyway!
The problem is that I like to read. I like to read a lot, but I also like being out amongst people. So where does that leave me? If I wanted to read uninterrupted as much as my heart desired I’d have to hide out like Osama. Now that man gets quality reading time, guaranteed! But I like being out where people are. I’m not the antisocial type. I like participating in conversation and activities. But there are sometimes I wish I could just be apart of things while doing my OWN thing. …like read! I just wanna sit by you, don't talk to me! Socially, this seems to be unacceptable.

Case in point, last night:
I walk into the restaurant and am happy to find that the 5 o’clock traffic wasn’t as bad as I predicted and I arrived with about 15 minutes to spare. I happen to bring a book for such an occasion. One I’ve already read so that I can be in no danger of getting angry at the fact that I won’t be able to REALLY get into it with such a small amount of additional time. I pull up an extra chair in the back and snuggle down for a few minutes.

…bad idea.

Not the reading to stay occupied idea….the sitting in public and reading idea. Because even tho this is the only place in the restaurant for a waitress to actually HAVE a place to sit, it is also a side room that people are constantly coming in and out of. Cheifs, dishwashers, bussers, servers, managers. It seems everyone has to come back into this room for one reason or another. ….and what do they do each time they come in despite my book in hand? They open up their mouthes and talk.

Person number one. Maryann, a fellow server:

“…..hey amie, whacha readn?”

I look up politely, even tho what I WANT to do it not answer and just keep reading.

“Hey, oh just a book from the twilight series.”

“huh, whats it about?”

I go into a full yet brief explanation of the storyline. She seems relatively disinterested but is happy to have someone’s eye contact for a moment because a manager just got on her case about proper uniform and she obviously wanted to get her frustration off her chest. She rants to me for a minute and leaves.

I look back down and my eyes scan the words to see where I left off. 2 paragraphs later in walks my manager.

“Hey amie. Whacha readn?”

“Just a book I picked up.”

“oh.”

I wait for a minute to see if he’ll ask any more questions but he seems to be on a mission for something. Phew! Back to my book.

“Whats it about? Hey you can clock on early if you are bored.”

Obviously, I spoke too soon.

“Actually think I’m just gonna read for a little while. But thank you.”

“ok”

He leaves and I’m glad at least that he didn’t peruse his first question any further. I resituate and get settle back into my book again, happy to be having this precious spare time to read. 10 seconds later…Chief Jake walks in.

“Hey Amie, whacha readn?”

Mental sigh. “a book”

without looking up. Does everyone really need me to state the obvious here?

“oh yea? Whats it about?”

“Vampires.”

“Really? I never pegged you for a vampire girl. I pictured you more as a ….well, I don’t really know, but not vampires.”

I laugh but don’t answer and burry myself back in the pages. He goes on and on about what kind of book guy HE is and I look up kindly, but internally annoyed, adding the occasional “oh”s and “wow that’s interesting” when needed to be civil. I don’t interject too much in the hopes that he won’t stay long if he's gonna need my undivided attention. He doesn’t.

I’m not much more than a page past where I originally started when I hear footsteps approaching behind me again. I’m about to give up, close the book and take my manager up on his offer to clock in early. Ahhhh, but it’s just Benjamin. Benjamin is our extremely quiet dishwasher. Quiet as in deaf mute kinda quiet. He never says more than a head nod. Not to us servers anyway. I’m interrupted by his entrance for a moment but am relieved to find it’s finally someone who won’t ask for small talk. But to my complete astonishment he says “hello Amie” and asks me how my thanksgiving was. I put my book down to see if I've confused him for someone else as he continues to rattle off conversation in my direction.

Of course! Of course now of ALL times our silent dishwasher would pick NOW to come out of his shell and talk my ear off! I can see that it's almost painful for him to speak out loud but he does it anyway! I should have been irritated but I was just too bewildered to see that he was actually talking! He winds down after about 10 minutes and moves out of the room to go clock on for his shift.

I try to get back into my book but I can’t. The damage has already been done and the wheels have started to turn in my head. I’m feeling more than frustration at this point, I’m feeling…. confused. I flip my book over just to make sure there isn’t some sign on the cover that says “TALK TO ME WHILE I READ” feeling that there must be something there to make even our antisocial Benjamin all the sudden feel like he needed to speak to me while I try and read this book! …Nope, no such sign.

So why do people do this!?? I don’t understand! It’s like children who leave you alone for a solid hour but the second the telephone rings they are right up in your face with world problems that demand your sudden attention like “mommy I’m hungry!”

Am I the only person on the planet who hasn’t mastered the skill of carrying on a conversation and reading at the same time? Doesn’t it bother anybody else? It’s hard to believe that something so encouraged and vital to the intelligence of our society could be so….interrupted! It’s maddening!

The Review

2008-11-21T22:16:00.000-08:00

The time has finally come. I took the night off work. I purchased my tickets in advance and made arrangements with all my girlfriends.

We bunched together in the first middle rows in excited chatter.

We saw.

And when the lights came back on, I was...satisfied. I wasn't in LOVE with the movie (as I knew I wouldn't be. I mean, what can really compare to the imagination to start with right?) but I liked it. I had my qualms of course. The scenes were too different from the book. The filming was too "low budget." Alice was too tall. Edward wasn't glittery enough in the sunlight and there's just no way that he would have been able to kiss her like that. ....not that I'm complaining. But all in all I enjoyed seeing these actors do their best to portray what Stephanie spelled out so meticulously in an overabundance of pages. It was a hard movie to embark on from the beginning just for that reason alone.

I'm hoping that the second and third films will reap the benefits of it's predecessor and have a big enough budget to improve on the special effects. I thoroughly enjoyed the casting though. Bella especially I thought was perfect for the part. As for Edward...*sigh. I think the authoress Shannon Hale summed it up best in her dedication to Collin Ferth:

"You're a really great guy, but I'm married, so lets just be friends."

2008-11-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

Done!

2008-11-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally finished the last book of the Twilight series. Well, I shouldn't say FINALLY because it's not like it took me long to read it. 2600 pages in about 2 weeks. Thats the fastest I've ever read anything! But now that the final page has turned and the last word is read, even tho I'm thrilled with how everything turned out, I'm so sad that it's over!

I feel weird waking up this morning with no book to take with me to the gym. No book to read at nap time. No book to read at night after work while everyone is asleep! I've never felt empty like this after reading a book series. Like I just lost a good friend. I think it's mostly because it was such a long series that took up so much of my extra time. Everyday seems longer now that I have nothing to look forward to during those quiet hours to myself. ...Time for a new book! Any recommendations? What are your favorite books? I'm gonna need a good rebound book after something like Twilight!

The Twilight Series

2008-11-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm about 100 pages or so into the second book of the Twilight series, a series of books I'm enjoying more than I care to admit. If you haven't read these book yet, I'm giving you fair warning to stop reading right now because I'm sure I'll say too much.

Let me just preface this little rant by explaining tho that when I read books I REALLY get into them. Reading to me is like why people go to bars to get drunk. For me it provides an exceptional escape from reality, without the damaging effects to my liver. I can surface from Count of Monte Cristo, for example, and feel like I just spent the last few hours roaming the streets of France, Italy or the Isles of the Mediterranean. But much the same as an alcoholic, it can become unhealthy. My house going to a mess, my hair undone, my family getting frustrated which is why I have to keep it under control with my "reading times." Matt and the boys have to go to bed at an ungodly early hour to get their beauty sleep so that means if I'm not at work, which is seldom, I have a couple hours of pure uninterrupted vacation time! But when I say I "get into my books" it's more than just the settings I feel have changed around me, but I also tend to close my books feeling a little how the characters feel too. So, needless to say, at this certain place and time in my New Moon book....I'm PISSED! There I was reading in the late hours of the night when I suddenly slammed the book shut becoming instantly uninterested in reading any further! Let me back up...

So he leaves her right? Bearable, I can take that. I mean, how many more books was I really able to sit through where she lose her breath at his every touch? It was getting a bit repetitive and I knew he'd have to say goodbye at least once to shake things up a bit. I wasn't completely put off, yet. But I WAS curious to see when he would be resurfacing again... so I cheated. Quickly skimming through pages to see if I could spy his name anywhere. I didn't want to read ahead, I just wanted to see that his name eventually would come back again...soon. I flip 50 pages...nope. 100 pages...nada. 200 pages??!...nothing! 400 pages! 400 pages I had to flip until I saw his name somewhere again! That only leaves about 200 pages left for Stephanie to redeem herself! So OF COURSE I slammed the book shut, not wanting to depress myself anymore. Not really because he was gone, but because I knew Bella would be so depressed (and I told you that I normally feel how my characters feel). I didn't want to be depressed! I wanted to be exciting, curious and nervous as she was most of the time in his presence!

I know I'm going to have to pick it back up again sometime tonight but I will be very interested to see how Miss Mayer plans to keep my interest with 400 pages of no Edward. And not even no Edward, but no vampires at all! Umpf! I'm sure I'll get over it, so please don't try to comfort me by giving anything away in your comments. Just tell me I should keep reading.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

2008-10-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

So my youngest son Sammy graduated to big boy pants last week and is fully potty trained! WOOO WHOOO! If you're a parent, you'll understand what an amazing feat this is. It's strange not to change diapers anymore. Weird. Like we've moved onto a new chapter in life. Who knows how long it will stay that way but we are enjoying it while it lasts.

The interesting thing about potty training boys though is that once they get there, it's like they've discovered they have a we we for the first time...and they want every one to know about it! So they start doing things like exposing themselves in public and peeing outdoors. Yes, its a lovely new life we are embarking on.

Anyway, so this morning we are getting ready for church and Matt is getting the kids ready. When he goes to get Sam, he finds him sitting on the floor in his room butt naked focusing intently on his pee pee. Then, when he notices Dad is standing by him he looks up and says

"Look at my pee pee dad.... it's awesome!"

I just about died.

Back to the Basics

2008-10-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

So after sitting down with Matt to take a look at our finances this month I couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated, as I’m sure everyone is. After months of hearing all this talk about the economy, I finally feel like it’s trickled down far enough to actually effect us on a larger scale and it’s a little scary! Don’t get me wrong, we are still able to make ends meet but it’s not without a little rearranging and adjusting to say the least. We are just starting to make a lot of the changes most families across America are. Eating out less, making repairs instead of buying new, Matt also forbids me to carry my Costco card around. Haha. All this scaling down and cutting back really reminds me of the good ol’ days when I was a kid, growing up poor.
Do you know what I mean when I say poor? I don’t mean no food in the house kinda poor. That’s more in the category of destitute I would say. I mean paycheck-to-paycheck kinda poor. I mean buy most your clothes at the thrift store kinda poor (which I consider more of a hobby rather than a circumstance). Happy cause at least you have each other kinda poor.

Let me put it to you this way. If your first car was more than 10 years old then, you know what I mean. If you don’t feel at home at the dinner table until someone brings out a bag of plain white bread and a tub of butter as a side dish, then you know what I mean. If your reward for raking leaves was never money but permission to jump in them after, then you know what I mean. If you ever got hand peeled carrots in your lunch as a kid instead of a HoHo, then you know what I mean.
But being poor isn’t necessarily bad. I’d even go as far to say that it has its good sides. I mean perfect case in point with the carrots versus HoHos! Most of the bare essential foods in the supermarket these days are healthier than any of the other supped up, over processed, more expensive foods. Besides that, it builds character and imagination! I mean, how many rich kids do you know that have ever played the game “wilderness” or “shipwrecked” in their own backyard? How many rich kids do you know that even play in their backyard? The world is too saturated with technology these days that entice kids to be indoors.

I use the term “poor” quite loosely, as you can see, because there really are families and individuals out there suffering from true poverty. In truth, a lot of the things I had growing up were way less than some…but much more than others.
IF I were venting to my father over dinner about all the cutbacks Matt and I have had to make, this would be the part where he stops eating and starts to slowly shake his fork at me across the dinner table with a pensive look on his face. Then after a minute or two he’d say something like, “…have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?” and then go right back to eating like he hadn’t just crashed my pity party. Then of course it makes me think….like it always does. It IS a blessing after all. Its a way for us to get back to the basics of life. It makes me want to yell to myself, “don’t you remember? We can do this! YOU know how!”

When I don’t have the money to buy my kids new toys or I have to find cheaper substitutes when shopping for meals, in all honesty, it makes a part of me smile! Smile because it makes me remember how much fun we had making a game out of these challenges. Then, I start to teach my kids like my parents taught me and we find it’s one eternal round. It makes me feel like if I can help my family survive on a smaller budget… I am smart! Which is a statement that ironically makes me feel stupid when I say it out loud cause it’s so simple! Simple yet true.

In my church (which most of my readers belong to) we do this thing called fasting where you go without food for a certain period of time. We do this for many reasons but one is so that our bodies become subject to our spirit. In doing so, we have the chance to reevaluate where we are spiritually and how we can improve. Maybe in abstaining from most luxuries in life, we give ourselves a better opportunity to evaluate the kind of people we’ve become. We give ourselves a fighting chance to reintroduce the child within. That same creative, happy child. Full of energy and life (cause we eat the hand peeled carrots!!!)
So in honor of all this economic turmoil I propose everyone take a moment to share their favorite story about being poor. And I don’t mean sob stories that are gonna make us want to take you in like a starving stray puppy. I mean character shaping stories or stories you can laugh at that wouldn’t have happened had your uncle been Daddy Warbucks. A memory, a lesson learned, an old game, whatever!

In the mean time, feel free to send any donations to the Post Family Fund. A nonprofit organization. We accept birthday money, Christmas money, and buy you’re your kids a HoHo money. Have your credit cards ready and call this toll free number: 1-800- 763-6557. That’s 1-800-POFOLKS.

Computer Down

2008-09-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

Be back soon....or as soon as ebay can send us our new power chord.

One Year Later...

2008-09-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I know I probably should start off with some sort of an apology for not posting something in so long but, after much thought, I’ve decided that since it’s MY blog… I don’t have to.

On September 30th of last year, I posted a ‘Work Horror Stories’ article about my first couple days as a server. In honor of my year mark at this restaurant, I thought I’d spend another post having a few more laughs at my job. Things have chanced quite a bit of course, I’m a well seasoned server now and I’m proud to announce that that fateful day, so long ago, was the first and last time I ever spilt a drink (or food for that matter) on anyone. …knock on wood. My job title has even expanded a bit to include assistant manager a few nights a week, which basically just puts me into different scenarios to laugh at myself.

But as one who has come so far, I thought it only fair that I get to use this year mark post to turn the tables a little bit and make fun of some of the crazy people who come into our restaurant. And believe me...there are many.

I think the funniest part about my job now is that I have developed this keen ability to see people in two ways within the first 10 seconds of meeting them. Yes, in the first 10 seconds, I can tell you what the nice version of themselves would look like as well as the evil version. Normally halfway through the evening one of those sides prevails. It’s mostly dependant on things out of my control like how long it took the hostess to seat them or how long it takes the kitchen staff to cook their food. It's either a fun or horrific little game seeing if they enjoy their meal peacefully or if I spend most my time at their table side trying to figure out how they comb their hair so the horns don’t show.

I have to admit though, for the most part people are great and normal. But who wants to talk about that? I think one of my most favorite parts of serving is when people crack annoying jokes at my tables. They think they are soooo funny and original when in reality I’ve heard most of them about a thousand times. Like this one for instance…

Amie: “How is everything going over here?”

Guest: “Oh! Your manager just stopped by! We told them the food was great, but the service was horrible! Ba hahaha!”

Amie: “haha, oh you’re funny!” – as I walk out of earshot- “can I borrow your spoon? I’m gonna go cut my heart out in the back.”

Or, when I put on my assistant manager hat, one of my duties is to wander the floor and approach tables that have already gotten their food and check to see how everything is. Of course every once in a while I get a table where some are still eating and others obviously have been locked in a cellar for the past few days without food or water and finished their meals in 2 minutes flat. But since a few of them are still enjoying their food like normal human beings, I have to ask

“How is everything this evening?”

To which the Somalia people cut in, showing me their empty plate...

“Ooooh, it was horrible!!”

“haha, I can see that.” As I pick up a near by napkin “hold on, you have a little something on your face...oh, nothing but a little overzealous sarcasm. Let me wipe that smirk off your face. You’re good.”

People never fail to surprise me though. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, all the sudden I’ve seen too much! Like secret lovers fondling each other in corner booths or the newly 21 year old puking her third Italian margarita up in the bathroom. Tsk tsk! No no sweetheart, those are big girl drinks. Old men that seem to hold their liquor well, appearing coherent enough….until they stand up. “Do you offer curbside assistance?” as he leans uncomfortably into my bubble space. I even had one man get hauled out by police officers for drunk driving right as he was in the middle of ordering his first Bud Light. I probably wouldn’t have even picked up on his intoxication either if he hadn’t half belched the request. Amazing how all my fun stories stem from booze. I wouldn’t encourage it, but it sure makes for entertaining nights!

Yes, its been a long good year and to the people of Helena, I would like to give a big thank you. Thank you to the rednecks who come in their cut off shirts and John Deer hats. I did what you said and used that 50 cent tip to buy me something “reeeal purdy.” (not a joke) Thank you to the high-class folk who come in to stuff their high-class faces. Who over tip just so they can feel better about acting like pompous a**holes. Thank you to the children who mash up their macaroni and “feed it to the monster under the table.” Thank you to the horney teenage boys who draw me “interesting” pictures and leave me their phone numbers despite the obvious ring on my finger. I think I hear your mommy calling. And lastly…Thank you to the 90 year old man, who the other night, put his year pass to the strip club in place of his Visa to pay the bill on accident. Your wife will forgive you...someday.

Superpowers

2008-06-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I was watching a Good Morning America special on Stan Lee, the comic creator who is the genius behind well known titles such as Spiderman, Ironman, and the Incredible Hulk. During the interview the lady turns to him and says “what kind of mind creates these comics? What is your inspiration?” and I said to myself “are you kidding??? The man MUST have a two year old!!" I mean think about it…a character that swings from anything and everything? A character who flies so fast, no one can keep up with him? A character who can’t control his temper and turns into a beast??? Oh yeah, I think I got a couple of those at home. Anyway, I decided I’m going to make my first million developing a comic strip based off my boys. It’s brilliant! I have an endless amount of material! Then it got me thinking…if I were to assign superhero abilities to my family, what would they be? I've decided that Jake would get invisibility because they boy has a nack for disappearing. Take for instance the story Matt related to me a few days ago:

He was in Walmart with Jake looking through the clothes. Jake, of course, was walking around going in and out of the middle of all the clothes racks, hiding. (humm…sound familiar mom?) Anyway, long story short, Matt loses Jake, spends 10 minutes looking for him then finally goes to the front to report a missing child. Apparently when you do this, Walmart transforms into Ft Knocks. No joke. They shut the whole place down, no one goes in or out, and every employee who isn’t on a register reports to the front so they can do a full sweep of the floor. They found him within 3 minutes, lost in the home decor. I was very impressed by this story and thankful that Walmart had such a plan in the event that my son would inevitably wander off. Besides that Jake is amazing at playing hide and go seek. You can be looking right where he is hiding and he won’t move a muscle or say a word!

For Sam, I’d have to say super speed. Like Dash. Have you seen this little guy when its time to go to bed? It’s a miracle how this boy escapes down the stairs so fast without breaking a limb! That, and if you are in public and he gets that mischievous look in his eye, you'd better just put a hand on him to be safe.

I asked Matt what he thought his superpower should be and he said the Incredible Hulk. Before I started working I would have never believed this but lets just say that you never want to be around this man after hes been trapped in the house with the Invisible Man and Speedy Ganzalas for more than 8 hours. Any little thing can set him off after that. Luckily my shifts aren’t usually more than 6 hours so I hardly see that side, but I could see how it could happen.

As for myself I couldn’t really think of anything except Matt is always saying I have super strength cause he’ll come home and all the furniture is rearranged. I always tell him it’s cause I just had a sudden urge for change and couldn’t wait til he got home. Plus if we are ever wrestling and I can manage to lock my legs around his midsection, it's over!

It’s kinda fun to think about. If you could give yourself a superpower (one that goes with your personality not just one you’d like to have) what would it be?

R.I.P. Fern

2008-05-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

It is no secret in my family that I am notorious for my black thumbs. I can't make WEEDS grow, and that's a fact! Of course they would spring up here and there unassisted, but if I were to try and nourish weeds or help them along in any way they would surely wither away and die. I'm like my own weed killer then I guess. ....so sad.

Sad, but true that I have spent a small fortune on house plants and gardens which all end the exact same way. In a watery grave. Watery cause my neglect and negligence to them inevitably leads to my flooding them in a last desperate attempt to bring them back to life. Which of course, never works.

It's not that I don't know how to properly care for them but......well....it IS that I don't know how to properly care for them. But you can hardly blame me, coming from a long line of forest green thumbs! I mean, after about the 6th generation, isn't this kind of stuff supposed to come to me like intuition? In my blood? Second nature? Apparently not.

I finally decided on this last trip to Home Depot that I would swallow my pride and ask for some assistance in choosing my newest house plants and directions on how to care for them. Course as I'm wandering the isles of the small jungle that is the garden section of Home Depot, I swear I can actually hear the plants and seeds whispering amongst themselves..."Oh my gosh! It's HER again! Quick everyone! Go limp and turn brown! Maybe She'll just leave us alone!"

*Sigh* If only they would give me a second chance! ....or a third....or fifth....whose counting really?

I felt them slightly perk up the more I listened to the lady go on and on about proper plant care. Half of them actually turned green again as I tried hard to pay attention. In short I walked out with two palm tree type looking plants that apparently take very little care. Small sunshine and water every few weeks or so. We'll see how it goes. Even I can't botch this up too badly.

The Begonias gave a small salute to these brave souls in my cart who were (for all they could tell) attempting a suicide mission. I still felt a silent glare from the ferns when I pass by their section. Apparently they are a close nit family and did not take kindly to the passing of their latest relative who spent a small time on my kitchen cabinet. I tried to lie and whisper it was a quick and painless death, but it wasn't. It was slow and agonizing. He might have stood a chance if my 2 year old didn't find so much pleasure in plucking his little tiny leaves from his fragile stems. ....They'll never forgive me for that.

The Gift Of Pregnancy

2008-04-25T09:59:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about surrogate pregnancy. There are two types of surrogate pregnancy out there. The first is traditional surrogacy which is where the father donates the sperm by artificial insemination (of course) and you donate the egg. The second is gestational surrogacy where the intended parents (the couple receiving the baby in the end) donate both the egg and the sperm creating an embryo which is then transferred to you. I, of course, am interested in only the second. The only way I would be able to carry a baby for 9 months and then give it away would be if none of it was a part of me, genetically. I feel this way that I would be able to stay mentally detached from the baby because I wouldn’t consider it mine. I would just be helping someone else’s baby get started in life.

My main concern is if I’m just being naïve. How hard would it really be to carry a baby for 9 months and then give it away, even if it wasn’t mine? Would I get more attached than I think? I mean, of course I feel like I would care for the child and love it but I still think that if it weren’t MY egg or Matt’s sperm, I would never feel like it was mine enough to have problems letting it go. Especially if it were going to a family I love and trust.

It’s a difficult thing to predict. Every woman carries babies differently and deals with changes in their body and hormones differently so even though hearing stories from other mothers helps, it still would be a completely different experience for me. The only way to see how I would deal with it would be to go through it myself! But what if it ends up being the hardest and worst thing I’ve ever done?

On the other hand, I have two major reasons for even considering this whole thing. The first is of course, the joy I would feel of being able to help another couple who isn’t able to have children have, a child of their own! One of their own flesh and blood, with their eyes and their nose and their personality. I can scarcely think of any gift that would be more valued and appreciated than that. MY children are the light of my life. They bring wonder and excitement and adventure. If you ever wanted an occupation where every day is different and every day you are challenged in new ways, then parenthood is the job for you!

I don’t mean to break this precious feeling and turn into the materialistic weasel of the bunch by giving you the second reason, but surrogate pregnancy pays A LOT.

Considering my two top motivations combined……I really don’t see how this could be a bad thing! I mean, getting paid big bucks to let someone else have the sleepless nights and dirty diapers? Letting someone else watch a cute serine face turn from calm and quiet to green and uncomfortable which leads to a large amount of upchucking that inevitably somehow gets into your mouth? Letting someone else get up at 6 am to find the kitchen floor covered in sugar because an early riser was bored? Let someone else clean up the bathroom everyday because actually peeing IN the toilet just isn’t as much fun? Oh yeah, I think I’m game.

Anyway, I’m not taking this decision lightly. I’ve been thinking about it for over a year now and I’m sure it will be a couple more years full of research before I make my decision but in the mean time I would be interested in what my family and friends think of all this. What are your personal opinions about surrogate pregnancy? Do you know anyone who has done it? What have you heard? Just curious about the feedback.

Eating Healthy

2008-04-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

At the beginging of this year Matt and I joined a gym here in town. Mostly because my jeans were starting to notice that I didn't like running in negative degree weather. Anyway, any time I get more into working out, I start to get more into nutrition as well. Mostly because when I'm done with a good work out, my body naturally craves more healthy foods like fresh fruit and veggies. I mean, the last thing you want to do after a 5 mile run is down a quarter pounder with cheese and an oreo shake. Well....maybe Matt might. haha. But how men lose weight and stay fit in comparison to women is a blog for another day!

On our latest trip to Utah, my friend Shari briefly told me about a new eating program she's on. It had to do with counting calories. Basically it's about burning more calories than you eat if you're looking for weight loss. I'd seen and heard of other people doing this type of thing but was never really interested. Mostly because the people I knew never looked any different but Shari looked great! I thought I'd give it a whirl when I got home. (I say "when I got home" because I'm a major muncher on road trips and after seeing that my newly purchased bag of candy contained an absurd amount of calories...weeeellll.... I thought I'd make it one last hurah!)

I got home and found an online website called sparkpeople.com that helps me keep track of my calorie intake on a daily basis. It's nice cause not everything I eat has a nutritional guide on the back, but I can look it up quick and easy with this site. All in all, I'm supposed to be eating between 1200 to 1500 calories a day to help me reach and maintain my fitness goals.

Heres how week one went:

Day one:

STARVING! The problem here was that all day I ate within my range of calories, but I was eating too much of empty calories. Needless to say, I regrouped that night and went grocery shopping the next day.

Day two:

Much better. Not nearly as hungry but suddenly noticing that this...

wasn't tasting nearly as good as this...

mmmmmm,that quarter pounder I was just bagging on! The entire day it was very hard to ignore temptation.

Day three:

Seriously starting to consider that if people who are lean and fit have to eat like THIS then where is the joy in life?! I'VE ONLY GOT ONE LIFE TO LIVE PEOPLE SO I'M GONNA EAT SOME CHEESECAKE! ...and I did. (I actually won a contest at work that night and the prize was a piece of cheesecake and you just can't turn it down when you've worked to hard to earn it! I did share it with 5 other people though).

Day four:

Decided that if I was going to survive this thing I was going to need at least one sweet treat a day to fend off the cravings. And I could do that. The plan says nothing about not eating sweets. You can eat whatever you want! It's just that typically one piece chocolate cake could contain as many calories as I would get from two healthy, well balanced meals so I just had to be careful. So I went in search of a low calorie sweet. And I fooooound...

....FUDGESICLES!!! The sugar free ones only have 80 calories in them and there are TWO in one serving!!! ...Too bad they tasted like frozen cardboard. :( I settled later on Real Fruit Popsicles. They do just the trick!

Day five and six were good and day seven was a fast sunday and since I chose to skip breakfast and lunch, I could eat whatever I wanted for dinner cause I hadn't used any of my calories yet for the day. After a nice healthy dinner and a big scoop of cookies and cream ice cream later on the couch, I never thought I'd look forward this much to fast sundays.

In the end what I found is that I like this plan! I don't want to call it a diet cause I don't believe in diets really. I believe in lifestyle changes. I believe in eating healthier forever, not just for 6-8 weeks. I find that it makes me really pay attention to what I put in my body. I never realized how unhealthy some of the things I was eating were, especially at Macaroni Grill. I mean, most of those dishes have all my calorie intake for a whole day in one meal! No joke! It's horrifying that Americans eat out so often! It's horrific that IIIIII ate out so often!

I also found that I am a grazer. I love everything about food. The sight, the smell, the taste, the texture, so naturally I like to eat it all the time. But I found that I was basically eating when I wasn't hungry. Most of the time I just wanted a good taste in my mouth and didn't recognize it. I chew a lot more gum now these days to keep from doing that.

The nice thing is that the healthier foods taste better to me now. They say when you make a change like this your body goes through a sort of detox. And now all the natural foods have so much more flavor to me, which is a relief cause I was really having second thoughts about how much I wanted to keep my goals! Seriously.

Anyway, I'm picking up all sorts of tips from people nowadays on healthier ways to cook things or better foods to eat so if you have any recipes you'd like to share or tricks you've learned along the way, like Shari's no calorie "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" or Jamie's Broccoli Brownies (which I still want the recipe for), I'd love to hear them!

Lady's Night Out!

2008-03-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

Last week some of my girlfriends and I got together to celebrate my birthday a little early cause I would be going out of town on the actual day. We called it Fabulous Shoe Night where we wore our most fabulous shoes out to the Macaroni Grill and ate just about every desert on the menu. haha. It was sooooo much fun!

So much fun that I decided to do it again while I'm in Utah! So, for those of you who will be joining us for conference weekend in the promise land, you MUST come! Even though my birthday is April 3rd, Matt and I will just be getting there that night and we already have plans to go straight to Matt and Shari's house to spend the night, play games and just unwind from being stuck in the car all day.

So the plan is that on Friday, April 4th, we are all going to meet at the dollar theater (AKA: movies 8) in Provo, Ut to see the movie 27 Dresses at 7:05pm. I have been wanting to see this movie for a long time and I hope not a whole lot of you have already seen it! Also, please wear a pair of your most favorite fabulous shoes! It's going to be tons of fun and I couldn't think of any other way I'd rather celebrate than to hang with some of my most favorite ladies!

ps- If you don't know how to get there, just hop on the 15 and exit University Parkway and head east. The theater is past the mall, down the hill on the the left. You can see a map at this website:

http://www.mapquest.com/maps/movies+8:%5B1-99%5D+W+University+Pkwy+Provo+UT+84604/#a/search/l::[1-99]+W+University+Pkwy:Provo:UT:84604:US:40.2561:-111.6595:street:Utah+County/m::15:40.261985:-111.665916:0::/so:Movies+8:::d::25:::::/e

You have to zoom out a little to see a better map. Also, no presents please! Just come! Please RSVP in the comments if you are planning on it!

I Want My Life To Be Like Disneyland.

2008-03-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel a little funny exposing myself while relating experiences I have during therapy sessions but this one was just too good to pass up! My step mom calls them "Ah Ha! moments" when you realize something you never realized before.
My mind keeps turning it over and over in my head and I'm having so much fun with it I thought I'd share it. So here is my Ah Ha! moment from my last therapy session. Today Dr. Bean told me that I want my life to be more like Disneyland when in reality... life is more like a National Park. I just started laughing cause the first images I got in my head were this....

(which is a picture of some people I don't know at an ugly national park... who I would not like to vacation with.)

Versus this....

....Which would you rather choose?!

But after stopping to think for a moment what he really meant by a national park, which would look more like this...

all at once the horrific truth of it all sunk into me! I couldn't get over it! It was the perfect analogy!

Sometimes I DO want my life to be like Disneyland. Who wouldn't? It's easy to be attracted to the bight lights and loud music! And I think it's okay for it to be that way sometimes but for the most part life is more....mature, for a lack of a better word. Filled with deeper beauties that may not be as exciting but are filled more with a peace and serenity that you can't find... even at the top of Space Mountain. I'll admit that sometimes I feel young and reckless and I do stupid things that make me feel good for an hour or two but they are never lasting. In the back of my mind I know they won't last. The rides can never go on forever and even if it did, what started out as an exhilarating rush of adrenaline slowly would turn to nausea and the employment of a barf bag.

Long lasting peace and happiness comes from a different kind of atmosphere. It may not be as exhilarating all the time, but I certainly wouldn't define National Parks as boring. Maybe for a 3 year old it would be, but that's what I mean about maturity. Growing and learning to appreciate beauty in simpler forms like watching your son ride a bike for the first time or eating a delicious Marsala Chicken Ravioli (which is my favorite dish at The Macaroni Grill). It's about taking time not only to see the beauty and wonder in things around you, but to appreciate them as well.

Today I would like to share some of the things we all notice and appreciate in our own "National Parks." Mine is going to be playing catch with Matt in the front yard yesterday while the kids took at nap. I was surprisingly warm which made for perfect weather and basking in the sun while tossing the ball around was the perfect way to enjoy it.

Your turn.

What Were We Thinking???

2008-03-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

I was feeling a little nastalgic this evening and decided to take a look at some of our very first blogs. See, this is why I love blogs. It's like an online photo album! But what started out as feelings of warmth and remembrance soon turned to horror that at one point and time we posted these pictures on the World Wide Web. Oh man, these are so much worse than those old kindergarten pictures you find where you hair is in a high side pony with your bangs in a wave, an oversized t-shirt thats knoted to one side and sandles with socks! ....much worse!

I'm so surprised that some child protection agency didn't come track us down for this. Granted they are IBC Rootbeer bottles, but still!

This one I am totally busting out the night Jake brings home his frist Prom date. Quote from She's The Man: "Remember ladies....chew like you have a secret!"

What I want to know is on what day did I get up in the morning and decide that my hair would look best this color? It's bright freaking yellow! I had some better ones to display the horror of it all but I couldn't find them.

Heres the next fashion disaster. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, those are Pajamas. Pajamas with FEET!

....I have no words for this picture.

I'm hoping that this was taken at like 3am.... and that for Matt's sake that he was drunk.

Welcome back KID ROCK!

The Immature Side of Me

2008-03-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today I was walking around Sportsman's Warehouse to load up on fishing supplies (since it is now that time of year where we waste good money to participate in a sport we always fail at. Seriously! I have never caught a fish in my life, yet every year we invest money onto it. It makes no sense!) and at the check out stand there is a big bucket of assorted Old Fashioned Candies. Among them was this flavor. Now you look at that word in red and tell me how YOU might pronounce that. I am obviously still in the third grade because I started busting out laughing! Even if it is pronounced as a word that is not at all associated with the dairyare, why would you even want to come close like that with a name for candy? I thought it was too funny to pass up so I bought it just for the sake of blogging it. I must admit though, I'm still a little afraid to eat it.

Oh and by the way, our day of fishing ended just like all others in the past. Matt getting frustrated that nothing was biting and no fish. Jake also accidentally dropped his pole off the side of the dock, thus losing it forever. I might as well have just taken $14 and tossed it into the lake! Somewhere down there is a fish swimming around with a Rolex because of all the money that gets dropped into that place. .....and a collection of Spriderman Fishing poles mounted in his trophy room which he shows off to is buddies whenever they come over.

Fear of Water

2008-01-15T21:12:00.001-08:00

I love the water. I mean, looooove water. I love to swim in it, play in it, swing off rope swings into it, skii on it, kayak on it…you name it, I love it. I think I enjoy water sports more than any other activity, as long as there are other people involved. If I’m by myself though… you can forget it!

Like the other day, I was at the gym swimming laps in the pool. When I got in the water there were two other people. Half way through my workout however, they had finished theirs and got out. I made it through 2 more laps after they left before my imagination got the better of me and sharks were lurking in the deep end and members of the Italian Mofia were entering to make sure amie was “swimmen with da fishes.”

Another example: last summer Matt dared me to swim out to a buoy out at Black Sandy Lake while we were camping. It was about 150 yards out but I was completely confident in my ability to make the swim, no problems there, but about halfway through it I could have sworn the underwater growth that was tickling my legs were little arms reaching up to drag me down and pull me under! My pride in finishing the swim was the only thing to keep me going!

I tell ya what! It’s so juvenile these things I think up and what’s worse to admit is that they really freak me out enough for me to get out of the water! You’d think that as a full grown woman, I could at least keep my wits about me enough to make it work but being alone in water... I just can’t handle it. Which I find strange because I love water SO much! It’s like when most normal people see this...

I see this...

I guess I’m just looking for some solace here. Please tell me you have some sort of fear or phobia that makes you feel this way too! Tell me that you still get up on chairs when you see spiders or can’t be in the same room with snakes! SOMETHING! ANYTHING to make me feel normal!

For My Matt

2007-12-11T14:13:00.000-08:00

I know this is a little late but I wanted to post something for my Matt in celebration of our anniversary. I was going to post the Shania Twain "Looks Like We Made It" song that we danced to at our wedding (who could have possibly guessed that song would come to mean more to us as time went on? We only picked it then cause it was easy for you to dance to! haha) But I chose my latest and greatest for you my dear which is "Realize" and "Magic" by Colbie (the later of which was the only one I could find to put on my playlist). Everytime I hear them they make me think of you and how glad I am that I DID realize before it was too late that you are my better half. The "Magic" song make me think of how you love for me to tickle your back with my finertips at night but also expresses so much of how I feel about you.

I can't survive without you and thats the truth. With all thats happend to us I never thought it possible to feel so happy, especially so soon but you make me happy with all the small things you do like waiting up for me every night I work just so you can give me hugs and kisses even though I know you are so tired. When you still open my car door for me. When you tell me everyday how beautiful you think I am. When you play with our boys all roudy-like and swing them around and flip them. They love that! When you do jobs that aren't typically yours like cook dinner or clean the house just to make my life easier. For ALL the little things you do! You mean everything to me and I'm so glad that we never have to "miss out on eachother now." Thanks for sticking by me and giving me so much that I truely don't deserve.

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

OoOoOOo

missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now

Magic

You’ve got magic inside your finger tips
Its leaking out all over my skin
Everytime that i get close to you
Your makin me weak with the way you
Look through those eyes

[C:]
And all i see is your face
All i need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Yeaaaa, oh i need you

[V2:]
I remember the way that you move
Your dancin easily through my dreams
Its hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles
You are crazy gentle in the way you kiss

[C:]
All i see is your face
All i need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above

[B:]
Oh baby i need you
To see me, the way i see you
Lovely, wide awake in
The middle of my dreams

[C:]
And all i see is your face
All i need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above

[C:]
All i see is your face
All i need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Yeaaaa, oh oh da da da do do do do do
Ahhhhhh, i ….. i need you

The Best Part About Hard Things

2007-10-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

This is a short blog to celebrate the fact that I felt I hit a milestone! Today was the most wonderfully difficult day I think I’ve had in a while. In fact I was just telling Matt the other night that things were going really well. So well, that it scared me a little. It seems in my life there is always a calm before a storm. I worried about when that storm would come and burst my happy little bubble...and today it did.

Today I ran into someone from my past that hurt me quite a bit. I wrote her a letter months ago of forgiveness but I’m ashamed to say that many a nasty thought has passed through my mind about this woman since then and I thought should I ever bump into her, one lined zingers and a couple swear words were locked and loaded (just kidding, I’m not a swearer really...I’m a lady!). But to my own astonishment, something wonderful happened instead. I stopped her, asked her how she was and gave hugs.

You know what was the best about that? I felt like I was that same on paper as I was in person. It was true! I had given forgiveness for something thats been really hard to let go of and STUCK BY IT!

Know whats even better than that? The way I feel right now. I feel FREE! Like a weight has been lifted that I didn’t even realize was dragging me down. It really makes you stop and think “Boy, our church leaders really DO know what they are talking about when they say forgive all.” After today I have gained new insight that the rewards from this are NOT for the receiver...but for the giver.

I’m sure that this storm is far from over. I’m sure there will be many more hailstorms of trials and thunder and lightening that lie ahead for the next little while but for right now all I can say to that is bring on the rain!

I want to take a moment and celebrate all our recent accomplishments! Big or small. You cleaned out your junk drawer, yay! You ran a marathon, lets hear about it! Tell me at least one thing that you did this past week that you are really happy about. Then I want you to stand up and do a little victory dance. Mine slightly resembles Elaine from Seinfeld...Pretty scary that I teach dance huh?

Get this Seinpost

Helping or Haunting?

2007-10-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

The past is a horrible and wonderful thing at the very same time. Parts of it make us smile, parts of it have the ability to find our elusive and genuine belly laugh. Parts of it make us cry and others can take us from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Human lives are so intertwined and complex though that it’s hard sometimes to remember the good without remembering the bad. You’ll see that if you’ve ever made a real mistake in your life (and by real, I mean one you would take back all together if you could) then even a good walk down memory lane can be interrupted by a bad decision or person who hurt you. Unless you have selective memory loss, which I’ve noticed is more of an active choice rather than a disease.

Heres what always happens to me. Something will strike a chord and I’ll remember something from my past. If it’s bad, I start doing something else to get rid of the thought. If it’s good, sometimes I’ll stay zoned out for several minutes thinking about it. But inevitably if I stay in dreamland, it isn’t long before any kind of bad memory will rear it’s ugly head to ruin the moment. Always. So I guess that’s why I try not to think about the past much anymore. At all. But is that a bad thing, or a good thing?

Even our “bad pasts” serve a purpose. Just like a child who touches a hot stove for the first time, the burn reminds us that we never want to do that again. But it’s such a shame that our beautiful bodies have to carry the scar as a reminder that all would have been better had we listened the first time when someone warned “don’t touch that!” The question might be then, how do we WEAR our scars? And I’m talking any scar. Self inflicted or imposed by another.

Are they bright burning scarlet S’s? Do we cup it sorrowfully with our hands to symbolize that someone has hurt us and that the wound keeps us in constant pain? Do we look at it constantly to remind us of the vendetta we carry? “My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father, prepare to DIE!” Do we hide them as best we can with long sleeves and band aids to avoid personal criticism? “Bow to the Queen of Slim. The Queen of filth! The Queen of Putrescence! Boooo!” (sorry, Princess Bride just has some GREAT quotes in it for me today!)

The great thing is that, like so many things, it’s a choice. It’s a conscious effort to keep your scars however you may. A conscious effort to keep your past wherever it lies. The other good comfort is that the Atonement can heal all. Looking at any gaping wounds you may have right now, it’s hard to see that a full recovery could ever take place, but it can….if you let it. It takes time and patience but the biggest reality to remember during the healing process is that there is a life happening right now. YOUR life. And if you let the scars from your past take over your thoughts too much, one day you’ll wake up and find that the time you’ve spent wishing away the past is just another thing you’ll wish you didn’t do. After all, “time spent wishing, is time wasted.” How true that is.

Work Horror Stories

2007-09-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

So about a month ago I started training as a waitress for the Macaroni Grill. It just opened here in Helena and we are actually the first store in all of Montana. Hurray for Helena! Anyway, training has been ridiculously grueling. Lots of memorization, table etiquette, etc… I’ve been doing alright with it though.

This past week was our first time serving real customers. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we did a charity event for St. Peter’s Hospital Foundation where the restaurant donated all the food that was served and I as a waitress donated all my tips. It was all for a good cause plus it gave us all a chance to practice. Therefore, people basically got to come in, enjoy a free meal while we spilled drinks on them and served them cold food at the wrong table. It was great. I actually did pretty well those three days. Not one spilled drink or wrong order. All my customers were satisfied and when they heard that I was donating my tips for the evening I got more than a couple $100 tips put towards the foundation. I was feeling good and ready for Thursday when I would keep my first night of tips.

So Thursday came and I’m weaving in and out of tables, executing every task with perfect form, so much so that when the biggest party of the evening came in all the managers looked around in panic of who would be able to handle it as a server. ….This is where the evening goes bad. I should probably mention that everyone in the restaurant was doing a pretty dang good job considering that half of us weren’t chiefs, severer, or bartenders 2 weeks prior. They probably picked me to take the big party more because I was the first one they saw and didn’t know what else to do. Before any of you get ahead of me…I did great with this table!…..it was the cute young couple that got seated in my section right next to them that suffered.

It was the classic story….A handsome man (which I recognized as a manager from Costco) and a beautiful girl out at the newest restaurant in town, on their very first date. The romantic mood was set when she ordered a glass of wine (followed by the whole bottle) and he cautiously ordered water. Classic. I practically glide up to the table, drinks on a tray in hand. I reach for the wine, place it in front of the woman. I reach for the water……but it’s not there! Oh no! It’s tipped off the tray…all over his lap! It was so horrific that by the time I got the towel off my shoulder (which I carry at all times) everyone was laughing. They really were great about it. I moved them to a drier table and served them an appetizer on the house after my manager made a quick apologetic visit.

I must have said sorry 100 times throughout the rest of the evening and they both told me 100 times that it was alright and even left me a generous tip. But it doesn’t stop there. When I went home that night to recount the whole story to Matt I suddenly realized that I might have charged them for their appetizer that was supposed to be free! The next morning I got up, made a couple loaves of homemade bread and swung over to the restaurant to talk to my manager. I told him what I thought I’d done and he gave me a $20 gift certificate to Macaroni Grill that I stuck in with the bread and headed to Costco. Like I said, I didn’t know the guy, but I knew I’d seen him working at Costco. He wasn’t there so I left the bread in his box (one loaf for him and one for his date) and the gift card with a note inside that said “Sorry again for spilling that water on you. Hope you come in again soon. –Amie PS- I’m a much better bread maker than I am waitress.”

Everything else has been going well for me and my new job. For the most part all my coworkers are highly energetic pleasant people and recovering from Thursday night was a little easier as they all took turns recounting a few horror stories of their own. All in all, I’m still sad to be spending time away from Matt and the kids, but it pays the bills for now while Matt knocks out his degree. Then he’ll be supporting me for the rest of my life. I think I’m getting the better part of the deal!

Since then I’ve gained a new appreciation for work horror stories so, if you have any of your own, please share them after the beep. ………Beeeeep!

The Painter

2007-08-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

I have become thoroughly convinced this week of a theory I’ve had stewing in my head for quite some time. The theory is this: Everyone is a painter. An artist of the human psyche. Let me explain….Everyone you come in contact with gets to know a little about you. You paint them a picture so to speak of what kind of person you are. There are endless ways to accomplish this but, mostly it’s through word and deed.

The question is, what kind of painter are you? Despite the various different types of actual artists, there exists only two kinds of psyche artists: the realist and the abstract.

Here’s the difference between the two. The realist paints things how they are, how things lay exactly. Nothing is distorted or misinterpreted. They therefore paint an honest, precise picture of themselves to others. The abstract on the other hand, is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. The abstract painter, for one reason or another, paints things a little unclear. This is done in many ways. More often than not though it’s done by leaving things out. The infamous white lie.

Say for example you are on a diet and you have a diet coach. You tell your coach you are going to the store to buy food. However, you conveniently leave out the fact that you are going to the store to buy a candy bar. Even though the part about you going to the store to buy food is true, the fact that you left pertinent information out makes the entire picture you painted in your diet coach’s head abstract.

What I’m talking about is a little more deep than that of course. What I’m more referring to is when people pretend like things are okay when they truly are not. When we have problems in our lives, be them big or small, but we keep them hidden. I know you know what I’m talking about. For the most part, everyone I’ve met has been an abstract painter at least once in their lives. Not even the most perfect realist is real ALL the time. I don’t believe it possible. But why? Why do we do it? Is it cause we are ashamed? Is it because we know we need help with something but don’t know how to ask? Is it for the simple fact that we don’t like getting other people too involved in our lives? Is it cause we feel like maybe there IS no problem if we don't pay attention to it? I donno.

It’s easy for me to write about this because, unfortunately, I have been on both sides of this fence. All those reasons listed above, and more, are reasons why I’VE been an abstract painter in the past and why I still feel the tendancy to be an abstract painter in the present. I’ve boiled it down to the fact that it must be natural human tendency to not appear weak. What we don’t realize however is that the inability to ASK for help and share the burdens with family, friends, or even professionals... is a weakness in itself.

From my own personal experience I’ve learned that it’s best when I’m a realist. I feel better when I paint things clearly. It forces me to be honest with others, but probably more importantly, it forces me to be honest with myself.

My stepmom once told me that Satan is really good at making small problems grow bigger when they are kept inside our heads. The scriptures talk a lot about sin happening in dark or secret places. I’ve come to see that they aren’t just talking about your physical surroundings. We must recognize that our minds CAN BE those dark and secret places. It’s kinda scary for me to think about because I can’t escape my mind as easily as I can a room or a building. It’s much harder to change a train of thought than it is to find a bright green “EXIT” sign.

The reassurance that we have though is that when we open our minds to others, when we share things that are bothering us or tempting us, it’s like unlocking a door that floods the dark places of your head with light. Bright light! Does that mean that the problem immediately goes away? No. But it’s much easier to deal with when you can see it clear and plain in front of you instead of remaining ambiguous and intangibly lurking in the dark corners of your mind.

Two things I’ve learned and then I’ll end this post for today. One, I have found through personal experience that being an abstract painter is draining, physically and emotionally. It’s not worth the effort at all. And two, at some point and time, your abstract pictures WILL collide with reality because reality is the place we live (most of us anyway) and it’s inescapable. When that happens, how will you feel? How will your loved ones feel about your relationship with them when they see that there was a problem and you didn’t trust them to help?

Here's the challenge for today. If you have something you are struggling with and you know it’s a problem…share it. Find someone you trust. Even if it’s a professional you’ve never met before. Even if you just say it out loud to yourself in the mirror. After all, the very first step to fixing a problem is admitting that there IS one. If things aren’t okay, don’t pretend like they are. For the first time or maybe even the billionth time in your life, take the paintbrush you’ve been given... and paint someone a real picture.

Favortie Winter Memories

2007-08-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

The cold wind that has swept through this city leaving a cold chill on the back of every one's neck has been a brutal reminder that winter is just around the corner. The summer days of playing in the hose and swimming pools are gone and I've been debating when would be the safest time to tuck away all my shorts and t-shirts and break out all my long sleeve shirts and jackets from storage. As I reached for a second blanket at 2 o'clock this morning I decided... today is the day.

I'm not sad to say goodbye to summer. Since I migrated from San Diego where the weather is a constant 65 degrees, I've come to love all the places that are home to the 4 seasons. Winter has become my favorite season. I love being out in it but I love even more the bitter cold days when you can crank up the heat inside and snuggle down with a pair of wool socks and a hot cup of cocoa to watch the snow fall.

Every time the weather starts to change like this the feel of the cold and the barren trees remind me of different memories. One of my favorites is waking up as a little girl on cold mornings such as these. I'd drag my sleepy blanket out of bed and slip on a pair of socks. We had hardwood floors in our house (as we always did being the daughter of a hardwood floor layer)and as tired as I was I'd always muster up the energy to get a running start from my bedroom carpet onto the hardwood hallway and sail right into the kitchen. There were three floor heaters in the kitchen and 3 bar stools, one for each of us as my 2 sisters were either already out there or right behind me. We'd place the bar stool over the floor heater, drape the blanket over the bar stool making sure that all edges touched the floor, and climb inside. The cocoon of warmth it created was enough to make me stay there, knees tucked into my chest, smiling until my mom lured me out with something hot for breakfast.

I love thinking about that memory and I'd like to know what some of your favorite winter memories are to get us all excited in anticipation for the first leaf to fall.

Away From My Desk

2007-08-03T10:01:00.001-07:00

I'm on vacation visiting my sister and when I went in to pounce on her bed after her hubby got up (as is tradition in our family) she told me the cutest story I had ever heard. She said that one day her little 4 year old girl asked her "How do you make a baby?" and my sister said "Well....daddy helps me."

A few days later when they were ridding in the car she turned to her dad and asked "Daddy.....can you make a pony?"

This'll be my last post for a while. I won't be back at my desk for about 3 weeks.

The Given Good

2007-08-01T22:32:00.001-07:00

I just finished listening to a book on tape by S. Michael Wilcox called “Receiving Divine Help When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered.” It was given to me by a very dear friend and it touches on so many great topics. Most of it has to do with perspective on life and towards the end he quotes C.S. Lewis. You’ll have to forgive me cause I was too lazy to look up the exact quote on the internet and just typed it out as I heard it on the cd so some of the punctuation and wording might be incorrect. Anyway, C.S. Lewis says…

“You can not in your present state understand eternity. But you can get some likeness of it if you say that both good and evil when they are full-grown become retrospective. All this earthly past will have been heaven to those who are saved and all their life on earth too will then be seen by the damned to have been hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering ‘no future bliss can make up for it.’ Not knowing that heaven once attained will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And they say of some sinful pleasure let me have but this and I’ll take the consequences, little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man’s past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take in the quality of heaven and the bad man’s past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why at the end of all things when the sun rises here and twilight turns to blackness down there, the blessed will say we have never lived anywhere but in heaven. And the lost will say we were always in hell….and both will be right.”

He talks a lot also about the given good versus the expected good. Everything that comes from God is good. If we ask for bread, he will not give us a stone. Now it might not be the specific KIND of bread we asked for. We may have asked for white and he gave us wheat, but it is still bread and it is still good. Thus the wheat bread is the given good and the white bread is the expected good. I thought of how many times I have become bitter and ungrateful for the given good in my life because it wasn’t what I expected, exactly how I wanted it, or in the time frame I hoped to receive it. I fail to recognize that it is a blessing to have everything exactly the way it is (assuming that you are doing high-quality things with you life).

Some specific examples of common mind frames I could think of to help you with personal application might be men who pray to support their families and are blessed with a different kind of work than they had anticipated. Women who pray for jobs and are blessed with the occupation of motherhood. Young men who pray to serve a fruitful mission and come back having baptized not one, yet planted many unseen seeds. Parents who pray to have children of their own and receive them through adoption. Young children who pray for their parents to stay together yet don’t experience a whole home until they are fathers and mothers of their own families. All are given goods which we should be thankful for yet sometimes we sulk in sorrow because it’s not what we expected. It’s been an eye opening experience for me to try and forget the expected good and try harder to see the given good that God has blessed me with.

I give S. Michael Wilcox 4 stars in my book and would recommend his material to all.

Freedom Of Speech

2007-07-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

The problem with running a blog like a newspaper column instead of the usual photo album (like my other blog is) is that when you talk about things, you can never really post what you WANT to say. I just spent the last half hour writing a funny, witty little shpeel on an experience I had not too long ago, but couldn’t post it because I was sure the degree of offense would have been severe. This is because 99% of my audience is family and would interpret my writings to be about them.

Ere go, let me preface this blog with a disclaimer. I think a lot of times we might read these things and think “oh my gosh! They wrote that about me!” which then leads to heart warming feelings, feelings of embarrassment or maybe even feelings of anger and resentment. Which is the problem with writing to an audience who knows you. There is no REAL freedom of speech. Haha. Women especially have this problem. I know because….I’m a woman! It’s just what we do. Probably has something to do with the on going belief that the world revolves around us.

Let me just clear up ahead of time that this blog is not about you. Whoever you are, however you are related to me, I’m not talking about anyone. Although it’s a blog about families, these are simply thoughts that have transpired more from too much in-depth thought rather than personal experience. So, back to the show!

In the real, political, business-like world things work a lot more differently than they do with families. We can put our opinions and suggestions out on the table without hurt feelings or tears. “It’s not personal, it’s business,” “Freedom of speech,” all plausible excuses for speaking boldly and to the point of the matter. But you can’t be that way with family. Why? I’ll tell you why in one word…..Emotion.

So the question is, where does freedom of speech go when he runs and hides with any sort of family tie? Ha! I’m gonna put that on a bumper sticker and make millions! “Freedom of speech runs and hides with any sort of family ties.” Brilliant!

The point is, when you invite emotion to come sit down at your honesty table, honesty doesn’t stay for long. If he did, he’d be quickly drop-kicked out the front door by “hurt feelings,” or “offensive!” But what about when there’s something that NEEDS to be said but is hard to say? What if it’s unpleasant? What if there is no easy or delicate way to put it but if you don’t say anything, the silence could be more detrimental? What would you do? Say it and then give a fake grin as you twist your index fingers into your dimples? “Smile! What I just said was hard to take buuuuuuuuut.,,, ‘if you chance to meet a froooown, do not let it staaaaay!” Cause that ALWAYS works for me. Ha! Yeah right.

I’m not speaking as if I stand above this problem. Oooooh no! I do my fair share of fist pounding and feet stomping whenever someone has the courage to say something to me. Ever heard of the “boom heard round the world?” That was my tantrum when someone first told me I didn’t look good in yellow. And why would I do that? NOBODY looks good in yellow! It’s easy to explain actually cause you see, the same button that’s used to make my “wall of defense” shoot up is also connected to my “overreaction button.” Try it and you’ll see what I mean. I get defensive and loud and emotional, all at the same time.

There are times though that I am able to hide my reaction and pass it off like it didn’t matter much but the hurt feelings always rear their ugly heads no matter how hard I try to suppress them. It’s more often than not waaaay past the appropriate time to say something though and my frustrations get taken out on the wrong people, Example:

Matt: “So, do you want cereal or eggs for breakfast?”
Amie: “I LOOK GREAT IN YELLOW!!! ….ahem, excuse me, ummm cereal.”
Matt: “Whoah. Cereal it is then!”

That happens because no one likes a critic. Simply put. No one likes to hear bad things about themselves and when people (mostly family) get close enough to see that we do actually have a bad side it puts everyone between a rock and a hard place. You are wonderfully close and you now know them well enough to recognize that they have problems yet you can’t say anything because….you’re too close! Say for instance your wife snores at night (and no before any of you try and see how my examples are related to me, I don’t snore). Lets say it’s not just any snore either. This is an earth shattering, mind numbing, makes you have bloodshot eyes of insanity at 3 am kind of snoring. There’s a surgery that can be done to fix her, but your afraid in telling her that you’ll hurt her feelings because snoring isn’t normally a womanly feature. What could you do? Your damned if you do and a wired insomniac if you don’t!

Obviously you have to plug the same principle into a scenario of your own to really see the problem but you understand the predicament. And it extends into all kinds of relationships. Sisters afraid of offending brothers, husbands afraid of hurting wives, parents afraid of driving away their children. Ahhh if only there was a simple solution to the problem. With all the advancements we’ve made in the world with the human psyche, there’s nothing out there that can bring freedom of speech back into families. We can open a man’s brain and make him involuntarily lift his right arm but we can’t tell our brother that he has an addiction problem, our wife that she snores or our children that they are flirting with a line of disaster without emotions creating a divide. Maybe some day, some day we’ll find a way to figure it all out.

As Good As It Gets

2007-07-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

Now I know I talk a lot about my therapist (which btw, I saw him at a church function yesterday and almost called out “Hey Dr. Bean!” Haha!) but he really has some good points. From my last session I was expressing some concern over a certain matter that I have been quite impatient on resolving and he looked at me and said “and what if it doesn’t get resolved? What if THIS is how it is always going to be? For the rest of your life. …..What if this is as good as it gets?”

After getting lost in thought for an embarrassingly long time, I looked up at him and I could tell that he sensed a little bit of my despair. He then added, “if you knew ahead of time that this was going to be the best that it ever would be, would you have tried as hard on YOUR end to resolve the matter?”

The answer of course was no. In a physics class I took back in college (which I LOVED) my professor gave us some good advise along the same lines. It was around finals time and all of us wanted to know exactly what percentage of our overall class grade would fall under this last test. You see, because afterwards we were all going to pull out our calculators simultaneously and calculate (in a worse possible case scenario) how low we could score on the test and still get the final grade we hoped for. He looked back at us and said, “I’m not going to tell you. If I tell you and you calculate that number, that is what you are going to get on the test. I think you will all score higher without that number in your head.”

And so it was in this scenario for me. If I knew or calculated what the outcome would be before hand with this certain relationship, my mind would have relaxed a little bit so to speak and I wouldn’t have tried as hard.

So, I guess it’s good in the end that we aren’t all-knowing, future predicting geniuses. Who can expect more of you if you are trying as hard as you can? It really is a satisfying feeling and has brought much closure for me.

Husband Shopping...

2007-06-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

So I've been sick as a dog these past couple days. Some sort of stomach thing the doc.s have been trying to figure out for some time now, but can't. Anyway, I've been too sick to do practically anything, including grocery shopping....

Simple right? You give the hubby the list, he gets whats on the list along with a few other things that just "fell" into the cart like Ding Dongs, which haunt me every time I walk by them in the snack isle, and turnips cause I said to buy some vegetables that were on sale and ...they were on sale! This was a much more dangerous trip though because I was too incoherent from pain to even make a list so he was flying solo on this one. dun dun duuuuuuu.

Yes it was a little scary to watch him go out the front door but here's the strange part...I love Matt shopping. Men shop like bachelors. As women we are organized shoppers, we think about what we want to make for dinners for the week and we buy accordingly. More often than not if you're on a budget, like I am, that means you have to pass up a lot of the things you'd like to get even if they aren't considered "junk food." Take for instance blackberries. I looooove blackberries. I love them so much it hurts sometimes when I pass by them in the produce isle and once again cannot touch them because they have a big yellow price tag in front of them that says $4 for 1/4 a pound. This tag of course creates a force field around them that hums with the quiet warning ..."hummmm 1/4 is not enough to satisfy hummmmmm you'll need at least 5 boxes .... and you can't do that if you want to buy boneless skinless chicken breasts hummmmmmm." Damn that force field!

Men however never seem to have this problem. In fact, they have a whole different strategy. I call it the 2 bite rule. If it can be eaten it in under 2 bites, it's in. So you end up with a bunch of small snacky items like the before mentioned Ding Dongs and turnips (on sale and can devour in one bite). You also get lots of things like potato chips, pizza bagels and poptarts. It's mortifying to my girlish figure! I feel like I've gained 10 pounds just watching him unpack it all! And ya know what.....I love it!

Of course I do! It's the only guilt free way to have these things end up in my cupboards! If I go, theres no way I'm going to get what I want. I get whats "best." But if I send Matt, I'm bound to get everything with a forcefeild and nothing that takes over 2 minutes to heat up in a microwave! You can't live like that all the time, but I say, let the man do the shopping once in a while and give yourself a treat. No lists. Just tell him you need FOOD. He'll get you what you really need.

When I was in collage you know what I did the first time I went grocery shopping for myself? I bought a whole watermelon. I took it home, cut it in half and sat down with a spoon so that for the next 10 minutes I could use that spoon to dig out and devour all the heart of that watermelon. Best watermelon I ever had. I eventually shared the less sweet leftovers with my roommates but for the first time, that melon was mine. ....All ....mine. Bought and paid for with my own money and by gally, I was gonna eat it however I wanted to! Rebellious I know, but those were the collage days...wild and fancy free. I should have put a bumper sticker on my bike that said "I live on the edge, I eat the heart first." Then if the whole world knew Robin Hood Prince of Theives by heart like I do, I'd add "with a spoon... cause it'll hurt more you twit!" Course then it'd be so long it'd be less like a bumper sticker and more like an all over bike decal. Details details.

Anyway, my doc wants to do an ultrasound tomorrow morning to check things out. She told me to eat simple, easy to digest foods until then as to not irritate my tum tum. Hopefully when she spreads that ice cold jelly around with her magic wand and sees those jalapeno stuffed olives, the awkward silence from a patient's total disregard for her doctor's orders won't last too long. After all....it's not ever day that the husband does the shopping.

The Night From H-E-Double Hocky Sticks

2007-06-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Ya know theres nothing in the world like the sound of someone throwing up. It’s basically the only horrible sound in the world that people feel the need to imitate whenever they hear it. Last night I woke up to such a noise. Ahhh the stomach turningness of it all! Jake, my oldest son of 3, woke up last night puking his little brains out. Poor kid. What started out at midnight as hefty chunks every hour continues on this morning as dry heaves every half hour.

So, while Matt stayed with Jake hovering over his porcelain throne, I went to the kitchen to get a rag under the sink. We have some nice size windows in our house during which at night we always close the blinds to keep from being the neighborhood fish bowl. I saw as I came in that the blinds were not down however and I thought about closing them before I turned on the light to walk across the kitchen in my underoos but the sound of Jacobs puking made me irrational and a little panicy so I decided just to flip the switch and make a poor attempt to double over like a 90 year old grandma simultaneously try and shielding my womanly parts with my scrawny arms. Who would be up at midnight anyway? ...Apparently the neighbors across the street and all their friends, that’s who!

Well the puking continued on till 3:00 am which put him in our bed after having exhausted all my fitted sheets and pillow cases from not being able to make it there in time to help him open his half awake eyes and aim for the bowl. While he curled up next to Matt, I decided to make a run to the local gas pump and get some 7UP which I knew probably wouldn’t help anything much but my dad always did that for me when there was nothing more to be done and it always made me feel special if not better.

So I slipped on a pair of warm ups and a sweatshirt, did my best to throw my hair up into a halfway decent ponytail and wipe the mascara out from under my eyes. I took a glance in the mirror to see what the damage was….ha! The clerks were gonna think I was a drug addict on a munchie run. I pretended like I didn’t just get scared by my own reflection and grabbed the car keys.

As I opened the door to the mini mart I tried to push out the background music playing in my head of an old western scene where the dusty streets are deserted and two blockheads are about to do pistols at dawn. Ooooo eee oooo eeee ooooooooooo, wa WA waaaaa. Not a sole in sight, not even the old bar keep. I got what I needed and sat at the counter for a few minutes before starting to make those gestures. You know, the ones you know have to be done to get someone’s attention, but once they go past your lips they make you feel a little silly? Like, “ heeeeleeeooooo?” sometimes I do mine in a British accent “eny won hoooome?” I was there for so long making these silly noises that I finally decided just to leave my dollar on the counter and go home when suddenly an old crusty woman emerged from the back looking a little off and shaken. Mid-day I wouldn’t have thought twice about it but something just felt a little out of place so I asked her "Are you okay?" to which she replied "I am now." Weird I thought.

When I got back into the car my imagination took over and I thought of a series of possible events which could explain the odd feeling I got from the whole situation. Maybe she was being held hostage! Maybe the robbers were in the back and hopped that I would just leave my money and move along, trying to be kind and generous robbers, but I stood there singing greetings for so long they decided to send her out to take care of me. Ooooor!, Maybe she was a drug addict who was shooting up in the back and was so out of it that it took her a while to realized that the ringing in her ears wasn’t a side effect from the drugs, it was ME out front trying to get her attention so that she could take my stupid 99 cents and I could get back to my puking son! ...or she could have just been taking a smoke break and didn’t hear me come in the door. All A+ possibilities. I was leaning more towards the robber situation though so when I got home I made a quick jingle to the police to send some officers over there to check on her.

Anyway it all made out to be a very strange night. Strange indeed. Things are almost back to normal today. Although I’m a little ashamed to admit that as I took the trash out to the alleyway this morning I was halfway hoping to see the Exon station tapped off with yellow caution tape and investigators scouring the perimeter just so I would feel better about my wild imagination. No such luck. It may just be a cold hard fact of life that I’ve been blessed with an overactive imagination that is amplified when I’m awake after 3am. *Sigh*

As for Jake, he is feeling much better. Still a little weak but he’s content for now to encourage his little brother to stick his finger up my right nostril as I type so they can throw back their heads and laugh historically. Yup... back to normal.

Dr. Bean

2007-06-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

My therapist looks strangely similar to Mr. Bean which is a little distracting to me when we are in session. I am able to concentrate when he is speaking to me but when I am speaking and he is listening it's amazingly difficult to keep from laughing because he puts his hand to his chin and gets an intensely pensive look on his face. When I'm done talking I almost halfway expect him to stand up and do a small skit using no words but only body language to tell me what I should do with my life. I tell ya what, the imaginations of my mind make it incredibly hard to concentrate sometimes on matters at hand.

Take for instance a hypothetical situation. Say for example a friend comes to me and starts telling me about her cat. Cats automatically make me think of one cat in my childhood that was such a sickly cat who had diarrhea all the time. We used to call her Lady Bain the Poop Stain. Now the poor kitty's condition wasn't very funny but the name was hilarious! So while my friend is just finishing telling me how her cat recently died, I'm still giggling a little about Lady Bain! See what I mean!!? My mind is against me I'm telling you!

Anyway one of these days my therapist is going to be sitting there telling me I have a rare form of dementia and I won't be able to stop laughing because sometime during that speech he's gonna make this face....

Whats all the halabalou about?

2007-06-14T14:19:00.000-07:00

This is a blog dedicated entirely to the whims, wants, and desires of my very own heart. Therefore it's hard to categorize it into a stereotype, for instance: this is a blog for mom's, this is a blog for fishermen, or this is a blog for the boogie man, who we all know lives under the bridge on Dehsea Rd where I grew up. Nope, there is no rhyme, reason or regularity to these rants. I simply discovered one day after the loss of a very good computer friend that I miss so very much the creative writing and debating I used to do.

Let me start out by describing a bit of myself for those of you who don't know me or perhaps even those who think they may know me yet have much to discover. Why, I had an eyeopening experience on the subject of defining myself just the other day! It came when my husband and I were watching the series Scrubs. As we sat there enjoying the wit and humor of hospital colleagues working together with long-winded outbursts, comical embarrassments, and romance, we decided to try and determine which character was most like ourselves. My husband of course was the main character J.D. A smart, slender yet toned, tall handsome intern who has a little bit of a geeky side. Mine on the other hand was a little harder to find.

*Enter Jordan* And there she was... I was horrified! Every time I try and describe Jordan she comes out sounding extremely mean and selfish with an outspokenness that zeros in on the insecurities people wear on their sleeves....and I'm not going to willingly own up to THAT! All I can say is if you want to get a glimpse into Amie Post's head go rent an episode of Scrubs and see Jordan in all her sarcastic glory. The best way I can think to describe it to you is this way.....have you ever walked away from a debate or argument and spent the next 2-3 hours dreaming up all the wonderful words and phrases that would have slammed your opponent so hard you're sure it would have sent them running home to Mommy? And ooooh how you wish you could have thought of those catchy one liners hours ago when you where still in the debate? Yeah.... I'm not one of those people and neither is Jordan.

Unfortunately we both have been blessed with the instant ability to say whatever on our mind and, more often than not, with a bit of a sting. The difference between Jordan and I though is that Jordan's character says these things right out loud and I, on the other hand, am still mastering the ability to not even think them at all! I really honestly and truly want to be a sweet, kind, sensitive person that believes theres good in everyone but that Jordan in me is a hard woman to stifle! It's a work in progress.

I should probably note however that the 24 years practice I've had thus far on this particular problem has given some improvement. On the whole I really am a cheerful person. I enjoy doing things for other people, taking long bike rides with my kids, eating green apples and sitting in the sun. Jordan really only comes out to play if A.) you annoy me or B.) you make me mad. Aside from that however, I have absolutely no problem being Amie and tying and gagging Jordan. If God has blessed you with a nasally voice however or you do NOT believe in the existence of a watermelon heart, chances are you'll meet Jordan first.